my heart SKIPS; when you're around

2009-11-15T03:24:00.002+08:00

今天,我OK了.

可能全寫出來真的就可以專心了. :) 還是我根本就在幻想著一切? 也許吧.哈哈. x)

真是莫名其妙... >.>

2009-11-14T04:21:00.002+08:00

我開心你關心。還是你只是對事不對人？但我還是希望有一天會找到跟你一樣搞笑的人，因
爲人生苦短，沒有幽默風趣，人生真的好悶。但願某年某月某日，又遇到一個這樣的人？我
不清楚我是在幻想或是迷惘，總之先別去想吧？我知道我這幾個句子完全不符合邏輯了，但
我並不在乎。。。真得好奇怪。我是。。怎麽了？？:\

I seriously think we have a problem. Okay, I think I may be overreacting to my hormones once again, it's been this way for this few days, weird mood swings so I don't think it has anything to do with Mr. J since I like the letter J. But not the point. I started out loving my job, then I started loving working with Mr J on my job. Now I just LOVE poking fun at this person whenever I can. It's just THAT fun. But of course, Mr J is very serious sometimes, serious trying to strike lottery, serious playing travian and seriously scolding weird people. Serious teaching people and consoling others, and serious with his work and I've learnt lots from him. It's queer but maybe it's because he was the one who happened to fill my sadness and disappointment at failing to attain the morning shift next month and I guess move me slightly with his decisions. I feel like his pampered student and it's really fun coz we like to argue. Mr J is typically lazy and has lots of vices, but he has a kind heart. What the hell am I saying? I'm just describing Mr J now until he seems like a fictional character. Maybe he is, someone who lives in my heart and not real, I'm making him up. LOL. But I know he is not ideal, yet I still do enjoy working with him? Or maybe it's coz I enjoy working with him too much? Or that I fall into the office romance category too easily? Well, I won't deny I'm that sorta girl though I like to keep work and love separate. Oh right, he does not like fierce girls like me. HAHAHA, he mentioned it once, but coz he's so lazy, sometimes he asks me to do things for me and I'd like fight back saying, no, do it yourself, and it's fun coz some people find our bickering very funny and sometimes I find it funny too, and sometimes I'd do it for him anyway coz he is after all my teacher and I have learnt lots from him. I rmb describing him as this once, that actually I learnt a lot from him but I am unable to thank him properly because he can be so childish and difficult a person to properly express thanks to. But anyhows that is not an excuse. I appreciate a lot of little things done for me especially when I am feeling down but I must remember that I get easily moved when I'm feeling down and since I am unable to pin my emotions onto other people while I am here in Taipei and more alone than in SG, I suppose I more easily pin my emotions on Mr J. SO, we should stop all these nonsense and regain rationality - I really do like his humour and one day I hope to find someone who has his gift of the gab and who is more suitable for me. The chemistry can get pretty strong, but it really is for the fun of it only. :) No serious business okay? RMB and get that into your head. :)

Now, get his silly face outta your head. Especially when he does that silly boyish smile. GOD, enough please. I'm going into denial now. :)

=======

I know it is 4 AM in the morning and I was supposed to sleep earlier, but I "feel" like getting this all out of system so that I can focus on sleeping/working/doing actual work. So, what now? Let me continue to describe Mr J.

I rmb first meeting him was on my third day of work I think. My room key card demagnetised so I had to get him to make a new one for me and he also taught me to use the photocopier machine. He told me the code was 01011 and to rmb it. Let's continue, at that point I was thinking oh my, really pretty good looking. But I really did not think too much then, I mean kinda pointless, not exactly SUPER HOT that caught my heart you know? Then, I had a few shifts with him, but I never talked to him at all. It was only much much later when I finally caught his "tempo" and when he really took the time to teach me stuff that I got to understand the way he worked and how serious he can be. He has a nice heart too coz he likes children, except of course there are these children he scolds coz he finds them too irritating and naughty. I rmb seeing him smiling and trying to play with a kid silly-ly once and I found that really how would you put it, it exuded his boyish charm? I tried not to look then, but I like children too. I normally resist doing his dirty work and he is the only higher up whom I can say, huh, don't want larh, in the sa jiao way. Or the I don't want, do it yourself, in the fierce resistance way. LOL. It's hilarious but sometimes I still end up doing it coz he after all taught me lots and I should help him out, as he has more responsibilities to carry. I used to think he was lazy and like to eat, typical greedy and lazy person, but I find that when he needs to do something, he still does it and has high efficiency. A horoscope very suitable for me as well, he makes me feel very very tempted to just you know. but I can't. because there is such an age gap, it's impossible. he looks much younger than he really is but it is hilarious to tease him and call him old man. I tease him lots and that is why I'm sorry if I will hurt him sometimes by teasing overboard, but to me he is like a big child? Sometimes. The guys I work with during my shift can sometimes be like big boys. But today I felt a bit more protected and more like they grew up and acted their age. hahas. :P it feels nice to be a little woman sometimes, but I did not fully turn into a little woman either, because I was still fiercely cursing someone else. But anyways, anyways, idk, I just feel like at first Mr J smoked and it turned me off, I know I will NEVER ever like him or anything, but now I ask him about everything related to work, coz I feel like he is clearer and idk, starting to feel slightly overdependent on him, which is horrid coz I can't possible be calling for Mr J for every single thing I have doubts on right? Oh realisation is such a crappy feeling sometimes. And sometimes, when the moment is over, it's over, there's no returning to it. So, let's not return there. Everything is my one-sided love affair. :) yay. I'm happy like that. :) And it's not really love coz I have my own restrains and doubts about everything, so it's very very controlled at the moment. the key words are at the moment. Well, I can't do anything about that anyways, it's not my choice to make.

One day I still hope I will find someone in SG like you, nearer my age, likes me and does not smoke nor do drugs. Witty, has the boyish charm I so melt over and makes me feel I can lean on him if anything goes wrong. I really wish for the day when the chemistry you and I share, I find it in someone else as well. :) Maybe only I think we have that chemistry, boy how much more lop-sided can this get?? Oh wells, I really do pray hard that it is this way, I prefer the imbalance so I will not habour anything at all.

I will try to smile...but I can't help laughing at him. :P someone kill me.please.

2009-10-01T01:18:00.004+08:00

We went to shilin today and ate:
- One 鸡排
- One 虾仁煎
- One cup of 泡泡冰 (something like blend ice but it is done manually and you use a spoon not a straw)

Of course, no, we're not full, but filled with liquids. My English sounds damn broken, must be the lack of typing so. Anyhoos, I must say, the macs here just isn't the same as that in SG.

Nearby got another street of shop after shop of clothes and things to see and buy! Though, bit wasted it started to rain cats and dogs, I was quite lang bei from getting drenched coz my umbrella is USELESS - the rain can seep through one. -.- But anyhoos, it's been raining so much lately, haiz, they say winter will rain and be even colder~ let's hope, I get warmer clothing or that they will actually INSTALL a heater in the hotel soon. =.=

So more pictures:

团团圆圆熊猫 hairpins
adorable orange keychain softie

Metal memorial plate of the snow leopard :)
glow in the dark koala :))
roll friend: sausage dog :))))))

The polar bear and the pinkie dog :)))))
Phone accessory panda :))

HAH, the earphones that are so crazily being spree-ed, srsly, you all MUST guess the price.

2009-09-30T03:13:00.002+08:00

Outer: NT150
Inner: NT 100

Dress: NT 100
Belt: NT 190 (note belt's pattern is fringe)

2009-09-26T01:37:00.002+08:00

I heart shopping in taiwan x)

NT$100 = less than S$5
On sale, and happen to be last pair in MY size. What are the freaking odds especially since you all know how my size is so so difficult to find. x)

NT$ 199 = less than S$10
This pair bit wasted coz you cannot see the sequins on the outside! And also, two pairs of shoes NT$390 only, super duper worth it for another covered canvas shoes like that, but too bad, couldn't really find something I liked. So oh wells.

Now this pair, I must post the original picture up from korea KT speedway. Of course brown is so much more gorgeous, but again, the odds were that this was the last pair, in my size and the price: NT$85 = less than S$4.50 !!!!!

I should have shown the picture in archives a while back...coz now can't find..

Quality superb and super comfy. Was looking for a pair of shoes to change into coz my toenails were about to fall off wearing the 2nd pair of shoes above the whole day. (New shoes, bit small) So yups, pretty happy about this. :D

Finally, spongebob cap. 海绵宝宝!!
bit more expensive, but I could..not...resisttttttttt. haahs.
NT$150 = about S$6.50
hmm, technically that is not expensive for a good quality cap. At least in SG, I doubt you can find something like this for this price.

2009-09-03T01:11:00.002+08:00

well, movie review time!

Watched two shows today~ G.I. JOE and DISTRICT 9 = pocket got big hole. :/ HAIZ, woke up late again today, and ended up missing the first 15 minutes of GI JOE. Bit sad but I got the movie in the end and it was alright: funny, action-packed, computer-graphic-ed. Generally a good film, but I guess not good enough if District 9 left a greater impression on me.

I initially did not know wth district 9 was about, simply heard about good reviews so off we went to watch this film. It started weird with many tv/video interviews of different people of the aliens in district 9. Aliens people have come to call prawns coz they supposedly are like the bottom-feeders, scavaging for items in trash sites and they all live in one area in shacks. Yups, so there was this guy from the MNU company who was put in charge of evicting these prawns to another area coz the people were complaining of them. All aliens are to sign an eviction notice and it is quite hilarious because people came to understand alien language. -.- And also the main character kept saying fog (instead of f***) so I found it quite hilarious there. Anyways, back to the main point - so this guy was evicting aliens and one time he stumbled upon this bottle of black fluid that an alien has been collecting for 20 years. While he accidentally had some spilt into his face and so inadvertently drank some. After which, he started showing weird signs and felt super unwell. And he had injured his hand prior which later grew into an alien hand. Human and alien DNA merged. He was invaluable to MNU for he could operate the alien weaponry that ONLY aliens could operate due to bio fluids of sorts. Scientists decided to kill him to harvest everything they could. Then so he escaped and became a fugitive. *note: decision maker to harvest is his father-in-law* and f-i-l lied to daughter that husband gna die. So anyways, I was damn pissed coz wtf, for arms they were about to kill a man? Harvest him like some science experiment. So the man ran off and seek fugitive with the alien who collected this fluid. The fluid was actually fuel to power up their ship to fly back to the mothership and so a battle ensues to re-capture the man and the man together with the alien fighting the humans off. As they can both operate alien weaponry, it was pretty cool and gruesome as people were decapitated and blasted into smitherins. I was quite happy that the bad guys were dying but also wondered about the numerous killings and if they were justified. Together with the fact that the stupid man got so pissed off for having to wait three years before the alien can transform him back to human and hitting the alien out cold and attempting to fly off back to the mothership without the alien, really angered me coz the alien was so kind to take him in and help him too. But anyway by a twist of events, it all changed and eventually, also quite sad for the guy coz he turned completely into one of the prawns. And his wife still waiting for him back home~ Still waiting for that alien who promised to be back in three years for him.

So my point is very simple. This movie although seemingly simple tells of the world's greed for arms. AND, I hated all the cover up work. There were those interviews of people who said this guy needed help but guess what, no one offered him any instead all tried to kill him. So yeah, most impt is to cover your ka cing. Rmb that everyone.

hmm, well I'm most prob gg to fly next week everyone. Hope to see you peeps soon. With all my love <3

2009-08-27T00:00:00.003+08:00

hmm. I'm getting kinda twitches in my eyelids. My left eyelid. Scientifically, it's because I'm stressed, which stressed I AM. Non scientifically, zuo ji you xiong, ie left is lucky, right is danger. But! This eyelid has been twitching for a few days now, so when's the lucky coming I rly have no clue.

Well, is it cause I have unresolved issues such that I've become so screwed with human relationships? Is it really me? But I suppose since it's happening to me in bouts yeah? Well, I'm trying to curb it all, really I am, because the issue is not with them, it's really with myself. I guess there's things to learn from shuzhen. I know, jasmine has issues? Now that's a first. Well, technically everyone has issues. So it's not uncommon. Thing is, how do you face these issues? The way you handle it is really what differentiates/changes you I suppose. It's actually pretty strange. Whenever I have been upsetting people lately, I'm really calm. That can mean a few things I've analysed: I have thought it through clearly, their accusations are false and so I'm not bothered, I know what I'm doing, I just cannot be bothered. I don't know, maybe you'd like to give me a few more rationales. hahas. Well, yeahs, maybe it's just a combination of reasons. I don't like to see too far, but they always say this is how young people live today, feeling arh, and actually I don't like that at all. I don't exactly like living by feeling and in changing that, perhaps I have offended people. I've never been known as someone who offends other people, I really detest that, but the spate of events that have occured, I think I've made a few enemies. Which is super bad. I don't like making enemies.

Well, now I'm just kinda talking in circles and have no idea what my main point is anyway. Maybe I give up way too soon, but arhs, don't ask me wth I'm talking about, I've just changed subjects very quickly. Do try to get used to that. :p haahs.

Oh anyways. I don't know. Arhs, maybe it's my indifference that irritates them, so they end up getting more agitated? I really have no clue. Or maybe I do, but just refuse to see it? Idk. In a way, I'm afraid to put down that line too, coz I'm afraid of someone who will tell me. In such a harsh way I may not be able to take it. I mean, don't tell me when I'm in taiwan bahs - there'd be no one to support me and I may just end up getting fired on my internship and wandering the streets of taiwan coz I can't afford an air ticket to fly home. hahahahhas. Okay I'm JOKING. hahahahas.

On another note, yes I'm flying to taiwan. In a way I'm happy, in a way I'm not. I'm happy to get away from everything: that's just the cowardly way of saying yay I no need to care liaos. The other is of course that I am super apprehensive and I don't know how to deal. I guess I do need someone to talk to soon. And there's always mandy and that outing you promised! XING - where are you? You haven't been replying nor updating your blog? I'm gna contact you straight after exams, hope you're doing alright...Well, bit ashamed for that, gna make it all up to you.

I don't want to be what stupid leader and dno what leadership qualities although I do know leaders face these sort of problems all the time, I rather not - or maybe someone like'd to tell me otherwise.

But nonetheless, I'm currently watching this show which is a reality show - contestants are tied up to a lie detector and asked a series of super deep dark questions. If they are not completely honest, they won't get the money. So, yeah, well, I was about to say that it helps you face up to your issues till I realise that if you chose to say otherwise and hide the issue, the system will just generate that the answer is incorrect and the people you try to hide the issue from is just going to know that you mean otherwise anyway. SO, yeah, kinda pointless to hide, might as well just go all out, hurt all the people you know and win for yourself some cold hard cash. Now that's a thought. Or maybe not. What does this just say about humans? We're seriously just idiots who have so many secrets it catches up with us. I really just want to start anew - I sound like some criminal - but I really do, so I guess there's taiwan for that! hahas! How many people enter and leave your life each day and if you don't want them to leave, you have to let them know and hold on to them tightly, though sometimes they choose to leave and sometimes you choose to leave and sometimes time and distance just forces the rift. Well, enough about me. It's not all about me, me, me, me, me. I've since gone past that and realise that some people are still living in friendships of the most childish kind.But perhaps, it is those friendships which are the most valuable and should be the most protected, so that they never fade. I once wondered why my father did not have so many friends, but I realise that even those friends may not be the ones who he is really close with too. In the end, it is family who supports you the most and I would really like to thank my family for being there for me, though they don't know that. haahs. But anyways, perhaps it sounds like I've given up on friends, no I haven't don't worry. =) I don't want to sound like some self-centered bitch or whatever hypocrite, so I'm not going to say anything that makes me one. Even if it does not change the fact that I am one or whatever. That's just secondary. I guess in a way, ah lians and ah bengs are quite fortunate coz they just speak their minds and life is in a way, so MUCH easier, I'm sure they sleep very well since they don't have anything to worry about. HAHAHHAS. oh, except for gangfights. hahas. But anyways, it's kinda pointless to look back and wished you were still the same person you were even for some things you remenisce the past for, the point is that you're here and now, and how you mould your own future is what is left up for grabs. HAAHS.

MMMMMM, well enough of this talk. I think sometimes, people may say things that sound small and all, but I think at least the thought was there and I fully appreciate it. After all, the small things snowball into bigger things. =) I never fully and will never fully understand this something which I cannot and will not attempt to put into words. I guess, there's just too many things running through my mind: too many things bugging me: just so many things. But for now, I shall conclude this post, till next time. After all, problems are not for here and now only, otherwise we won't have a lifetime ahead of us. I'm just gna go study now. toodles everyone, till next time. Should be pretty damn soon. =)

xoxo, gossip girl. hahahahas. I miss that.

2009-08-20T14:31:00.002+08:00

my head hurts. pretty damn bad. I have no clue what the hell is wrong with me, or maybe I do, and my head is hurting from trying to block it out. idk. *bitter laugh*

Maybe it's just a freaking mindset/attitude I have: just turn it off and go back to studying, Jasmine. Sometimes I do wish I can hit the restart or pause button in my life, because I am quite sick of this life now, is it really mine? How come it's like that? Okay, these are rhetorical questions that don't require an answer. Please do not answer them because I already know the answers. I'm just what, ranting, in a way. Arghs, seriously, this sucks, I need some fresh air.

I should just like yu shi ge jue. I'm supposed to be studying now anyways. Although, people who yu shi ge jue are just cowards who choose to avoid than face up to the world. But contrary, people need moderation and sometimes, being the cowards we are, we NEED the yu-shi-ge-jue-ing to recharge our batteries to deal with the world again. This is recharging your soul.

And right now, I want to be the coward. I'm so sick of my life. I want to cower in bed all day. But I have to study? arghs, what-thehell. Where's joan when you need her. =(

2009-08-12T23:30:00.002+08:00

this is frustrating.

I told calvin I might be in depression today, but he had not much of a reaction. Hmm, maybe I am, maybe I ain't. But anyways, conflicts recently have only served to discourage me. They da ji wo until I think there's nothing going to be left there soon. idk, I srsly dno wth I am doing: I think I might be going mad - why can't life just be SIMPLER! :(

Gosh, I mean, I know what I WAS doing, in case you were wondering. It's just the impacts, and the consequences, is it worth it? Maybe the FULL effect has only just STARTED to hit me. Idk, I really don't know - but whatever it is, I don't regret it, at least not in the, ohmygod, I am damn truamatised way, but in the regrets of losing people way. But oh wells, anyways, I guess it's not meant to be.

I'm so damn tired - mentally exhausted and physically strainned. Please, people around me, I'm tired, please let's not play any more games. Tis human pride and ego that causes so many misunderstandings.

2009-08-01T16:37:00.000+08:00

Oh my dear sweet joan, it will never be too troublesome for you larh! :D I was kidding! Coz I have a lot of people asking me to buy things from taiwan also, so I also not very sure how I'm gg to handle it arh? But come visit me still okay arh! Welcome! You come visit then buy it yourself larh! Even better! :D Maybe can even meet him seh. ;) But anyways, you can send me ALL the ingrid songs on your blog and the first song. hahas. =D They are so my songs. hahas. (^.^)v

Then again, I think the black heels below there okay bahs? idk? the 1111 black. Coz actually, what I am looking for is a basic black going out heels. I would actually get another bootie, except I alrd have one so I was thinking of not getting booties again. And yups, it's actually only $28, not even $30 sorry. Super super worth and they have my size on another spree site. \(^,^)/ wan sui!

mmm, a bit like headless housefly so I will update again another day. Just to reply to my dearest joan's tag, coz she's such a dear I cannot help but dedicate this post.

oh yeah, men are waffles and women spaghetti is actually a book dear! You can go find it and read it :D

Well, don't be xin suan larh, I only got two birthday presents this year. Okay actually three. One is the CD there, this bottle of wine and another pair of earrings. SO yups, there's nothing worth being xin suan about coz in technicality, we should just not be concerned over presents bah, wo men mei you na ge ming. As long as I was happy that day, I hope you will be too. :)

I want jolin songs too if you have any of her new ones. HEARTS. "<33 <33"

2009-07-31T01:51:00.006+08:00

Okay, I haven't updated in like a month. So that scares me. A lot.

But oh wells, actually today don't really have mood to update lehs. Got lousy grades on two assignments today, so quite sad. I'm just like trying to bring them across really light-hearted-ly so as to mask the real disappointment inside. But anyways, moving on.

Okay, been online shopping. A LOT. ATM, I can't decide between these three pairs of shoes so I need some opinion!!

Sharon has casted her vote for 1111. But idk, I'm pretty undecided. I agree that 1111 is easy to wear with the zip. But I like 3333's texture, and I like the brown one for 3333, though sharon says it's hard to match. IS why I'm thinking of getting only black. but again, idk! Anyways, yups, then we have the other model which has big sizes! Which means my feet may have more space to breathe!! AND that model even has the blue-green I oh so love - of course, then again, matching will be such a big problem. For the bigger size one however, no one is spreeing it...so I also dno how, may have to bear shipping from Korea myself? >< style="text-align: center;">

HELP ME CHOOSE!! OR at least cast your vote & why in tag board. Wah, shit I just realised 1111, the biggest size for black is 245mm, I'm normally a 250 I think. SO DIE! =((((((((((( BOOHOO. 1111 does look super comfy lor. =(((((((((((((((((((((((

Okay, I also like this picture of pck that I took on the bus the other day. Someone stuck a sticker over one of his eyes. LOL.

-------------
Time for some long overdue pictures now:

Refurbished Lampshade. =) DIY-ED!

I made this ring, no it's not an engagement ring or whatever. -.-

My second birthday present; sounds pathetic but I really appreciate it. =)

OKAY, BUT MOST IMPTLY I REALISED I HAVEN'T ANNOUNCED IT FORMALLY TO EVERYONE YET:

I'm going to taiwan for my internship, it's confirmed yay! So I will be gone by Sept and I want to meet every single person before I leave. (idk how I'm gg to do that, but I will manage. :P)

hahas, yups, Some going away presents I would like are as listed below. LOL. okay, I'm kidding, dont need to give me anything lar. xoxo

2009-06-25T01:01:00.002+08:00

TODAY WAS A REALLY LONG AND FUN DAY. :D

Meeting and interacting with four guys and a girl. Oh wait, SIX guys and FIVE girls if you count the starbucks staff, gurmit, some weird cacussian and my juniors as the Singapore Idol crew.

I loved today. A LOT. REALLY. :D

okay, so first thing, my alarm still set at 830am rang. Like my alarm in my phone rings my songs, so it's my entire mambo jambo album played, hmm, idk, 3 times? Yeaps, that was about 10 by then. So then was a bit shocked to see my phone battery reduced to like 1 bar. *gasps*

Next thing packed, changed, etc etc...oh no, running late --> tried to find matching shoes to super PURPLE top (and purple isn't even my colour :/) and in the end settled for my turquoise carlo rinos. As I walked out that morning, I felt as though I was going for a ball in the morning -- felt like a walking fashion disaster the whole way. :(

138 came, reached amk mrt with time to spare to reach city hall mrt on time actually, but I bloody hell waited for the mrt train for 8 minutes. Together with an overflowing crowd of people all waiting for the train -- THE LONGEST WAIT for a train ever; never did I imagine SMRT trains to be soooooo slow! First time I waited so long for a super crowded train at that. :( Everyone was trying to squeeze in and I found myself sandwiched between two guys. omg. They were also damn scared to touch me and I was trying the whole way to keep my balance on high heels and grabbing onto the pole for dear dear life. What happened to off-peak?? Oh anyway, that was ALSO the longest 16 minutes of train journey ever, though it now sounds like a short time, it really felt like forever~

FINALLY GOT out of the train at city hall: worst experience EVER. Met calvin coz he was gg to Singapore Idol 2nd Audition and he asked me to go support him. So, there, first guy of the day. Couldn't stop singing and he was so happy and excited. haahs. Rainy day today, as I was sitting at the bus stop with him waiting for jean (french for john) to arrive (2nd guy), the rain was pattering and it felt like it was oly 10am, although it was already 12pm. Strange, felt like I gained two hours, since I still thought it was early, strange mindset I know, but well, you know, I have unique perspectives mahhhh. LOL. I'm kidding.

So yeaps, calvin called jean and lied to him that he was alone, so jean cabbed down only to find he was conned. HAIZ, silly thing, you bei calvin shua. You should just stop listening to whatever calvin says - what "JUST come". SRSLY. went up the lift finally and actually ran into my juniors! (1st two girls) They're doing this job as part of clocking hours in for cem, which I actually find cool lor, though our cem was boring and easy, but i think working is a good experience. :) haahs, so anyway, with this second guy, omg, loves commenting on other people, totally media guy, loves limelight? oh no, who punches gurmit (3rd guy) in the arm if you don't KNOW the guy at all??? Maybe it's a guy thing idk, but like, yeahh. and who like compares this girl's "tits" - direct quote- which we got a bird's eye view of to like balls (the crude sense of the word)? AND wouldn't stop gg on about it? *rolls eyes & dies* this 2nd guy of the day is just queer!

So unfortunately we had to go on television and poor poor cal didn't get through. :( I'm sorry cal, real sad for you...since I know this was kinda the only thing you wanted in a long time...yeaps, so then we went down the stairs, ohmygod, FOUR storeys high and I was in high heels if you rmb. ><><>< chuchu and I were so glad we were done. :DD and they met at 10! haahs, anyway not that I'm laughing at their misfortune, I'm just glad at ours. :)

yeaps, so, well, kianseng then said he'd be late coz the roads were jammed. Said he'd only reach by 8pm! RAWR! That meant sitting at starbucks longerrrr...but well, my stomach was growling! I didn't have lunch see? So I went to try the belgian waffles, super cheap, $2.90 for two seemingly small pieces...but they're fundamentally sweet! Although I got cheated by the starbucks staff (4th & 5th girl) who asked me if I wanted honey and I thought why not at first...and was charged extra 70cents for honey. -.-" AND belgian waffles was sweet to begin with, why the hell did I still need honey?? rarrrrrr.

but oh wells, then some weird caucasian guy (5th guy) came to sit opposite me...he was asking me about wifi and he got so frustrated after a while, I thought he didn't realise he needed an account. Tried to ask him, but then he didn't realise...idk, I was trying to be helpful but he wasn't all that friendly. :/ and he pronounced "quite slow" "guite gslow" such that I didn't catch him and ended up replying him with a whole long process of how to use wireless@sg instead. Then he shut up. :P opps, coz after I replied that I realised what he said, and felt awkward to reply again. :P SO OH WELLS...left shortly after anyway...

Then off to meet kianseng arh (6th guy). we're watching transformers, he pays for movie tickets, nachos and drink and even got me a gift. =) That's for my birthday larh hor & we're good friends. nthg more. just needed to make it clear to some people. :P YEAPS, so, yay, transformers was superb. I really really thought so. At first i was super annoyed by the little announcer beside me, a little boy who kept reading out the words on an advert. and then throughout the show, the father and son duo started to comment, talk and like basically added humour to the show. hahas. NOT THAT THE SHOW WASN'T FUNNY ENOUGH ALRD, but it just added some extra spice that you can't get elsewhere? haahs, I just got used to it and had fun listening to extra comments like: "optimus prime is the leader of megatron, megatron is a group." - SERIOUSLY CLASSIC. :P hahas, okay larh but they realised it later...haahs, but anyways, strange that ks actually offered to hold my lappie for me today, maybe coz birthday special treatment. haahs. ><

hmm, yeaps, GREAT movie, I rly loved it a lot. After that was squeezing out the movie doors to get to the toilet!! had a great mixture of laughs and joy today~ OH AND DID I MENTION the view on top of the floating platform was just seriously gorgeous? I just stood there and blew wind, coz it was overcast and raining outside, and from there the view everything combined was fantastic. wanted to sit outside, but well, weird to leave jean alone inside to wait for our turn? So, went back in, kinda bad he didn't really know how to appreciate it either? idk... but YEAPS. IT WAS A FUNNY DAY. OH AND rmb at the start when we in the lift going up to waiting area? When the lift doors closed, it said, sorry to keep you waiting. and the crew replied it's okay. I just LAUGHED, with the other girl in the lift with me. And I would have gone on if I didn't recall I was in a lift with like SG Idol people. That was another classic moment. OH AND SOMEONE DRESSED IN THE D.M.C. the jap movie that character kaiser. the full gear. I can't believe it can?

wells, last but not least, i'm real happy if you read till here, but otherwise nevermind...so rmb at the start I said I felt damn insecure about my outfit today? Well, I felt better after being reassured with good comments so, yeaps, thank you to my comments givers. It made me feel better even if they were lies. :P hahas. x)
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO MADE THIS DAY SO FUN AND ENJOYABLE, I FELT SO STIMULATED THAT I LOST ALL THE FATIGUE FROM YESTERDAY'S AND THE WEEK BEFORE'S PROJECT MEETINGS. THANK YOU. YOU PEOPLE MADE MY DAY, WHATEVER YOU DID. GOOD OR BAD. ^^ <33

& PURPLE ISN'T EVEN MY COLOUR. LOL.

2009-06-22T20:33:00.003+08:00

well, I've gotten my answer.

Like I mentioned, yes I "loved" more so yes I need you more than you. No matter what, I loved you by my definitions, but maybe not by YOUR definitions unfortunately. Yes I have mentioned a thousand and one times that I cannot live up to the standards of running out to meet you in times of your emotional needs or being there for you without being restricted by my curfew, that is beyond my control. So what else would you have wanted me to do? You've never told me. Disappointment? I never knew for I was never told at the point of disappointment. Maybe that was my bubble too since you said you tried.

The way you say it, my life is just a big fat bubble which is delusional and I'm really just living in fantasy. Maybe I am, and everyone imagines living delusional is bad, but I highly beg to differ. Of course if you live in delusions as in so airy fairy then yes, THAT is simply being NAIVE and being the frog in the well. But, no, I'm not THAT sort of delusional. I just feel that life should not be focused on the bad all the time. Don't you see that you admit truths and hard facts of life, but you DON'T live in them, if you do, then you'd be a damn depressed person and then what's the point of life? You only live once.

Perhaps I'm only now GROWING, so to speak, and perhaps it's because I've always had a better life, I've never expected you to live MY life, perhaps however life has more or less impacted on you such that you are forced to grow up. But have you really? The way I see it, I don't see that I'm any less mature in terms of life. More like weather beaten would be you...But like you said, we're probably growing at different stages of our lives, it's sad but natural for friends to grow apart if we grow in different directions...perhaps, like you said, we always have been, but kept together by some weird bond? But then again, not everyone grows together, so what happens when that happens?

No, I'm still "simple", you know that I won't dig out my life because for what? If only to get as weather beaten or as idk, truthful about life? Perhaps you think that's cowardly behaviour, choosing to further live in my bubble, I don't see what's wrong with it. It's not that idk what lives OUTSIDE the bubble, but I will come to them when I come to them. If it's a rite of passage, I will go through it, when it is time.

So, these are a few points I have decided to bring up. Well, I'm sorry for hurting you, never knew that I did, that one I truly apologise, such to the point we don't really care anymore huh? No, I wasn't disturbed, I was simply sick and tired of just ignoring everything you've been doing since idk, sec 1 or 2 when I felt hurt once or twice. I don't believe friends do these things to each other, so I grit it out, I didn't think you meant it. I guess then maybe we weren't as close as I'd like to imagine. It was really all a facade. Well, thank you for confirming and telling me if only through your blog. Thank you and I would like to exit from your bff life now. Thank you and goodbye. There were good times and bad times, but at the end of the day, maybe one day I will pass you all the letters I actually wrote to you over the years of our friendship. I think those were my needy moments and just as how emotional support was important to you, leaving me spending how many (I think it can count up to a year) of my life waiting for you and tending to your moments and whims and all (not that I don't have any) but yeah, these things were important to me, and don't think you simply angered me, those were times I were disappointed with you too.

So yeaps, in conclusion, may this be a beautiful memory, and I hope we can end on good terms, not bitterly. For I guess I have only seen it now and you have seen it long ago...so I guess then this is goodbye.

I won't say I won't miss you, for I will. but that cannot be reversed. Thank you then for being there. really.

-----------------------
If you should so want to speak about bgc, you know what? really I'd like to see how you two would manage it, because you two have always been simply talking talking, being all, you know, it doesn't really concern me thing. At least that's the feeling given to me...it's just all passiveness. No offence, just thought I should tell you honestly what I felt...I'm not saying ALL fault is yours, I'm just saying it might have contributed?
Well, anyway, I'm not good at analysing, so you go do your analysing I guess... I'm sure you'll find something to deflect everything I said. :)

and, just a note: jean actually reminds me of ccm. oh wells.

2009-06-21T23:51:00.003+08:00

I have issues.
And I don't need you to tell me what you think they are.
And all the more I don't need any more shit.
just, go away -- I bite.
you're just SO HARD TO PLEASE.
So what else do I have to do for you my queen?
why the hell am I trying?
why can't we achieve the level of candidness other people share?
This is all so unhealthy.
*disgust*

If you hate me, tell me, I'll be upset, but I'd prefer it.

why must life be so dramatic with you?

you just can't tell me one thing and get away with it. No you can't. I rly doubt sometimes, wth this is all about, I rly don't think this is what bff-ing is all about. I'm upset, but what's the point of running from the issue, I've ran too many times? I guess it was all a big mistake...I knew it was, but I let it be, this is called watching your prophecy unfold, guess I was all too scared to lose this friendship, but right now? This is not a friendship I think I'd like to treasure.

I guess they are right, those who "love" more, are always on the losing end...at least that is what I perceive, MY OPINION, IT'S ALL ABOUT ME ME ME ME ME. DON'T BOTHER YOURSELF IF YOU AIN'T FREE. THEN YOU MIGHT AS WELL NOT BOTHER AT ALL. I'M A SELF-CENTERED BITCH ALRIGHT? STOP CRITICISING FROM THE SIDELINES, LISTEN TO YOURSELF TALK, THIS IS YOURS TOO, IT'S ALL TOO EASY TO SPEAK WITHOUT ANY WEIGHT.

tell me it was a facade so I can move on with my life.
why has our friendship turned to this? why am I threatening to leave? if it was a misunderstanding or a mistake from the start, it shld be explained, or maybe it should be undone.you're always like that, if it's your fault, you make no attempt to apologise, you just keep quiet and hope it all gets blown away. well let me tell you it only gets buried with all the other bones in the closet and one day everything will come falling out.yes an apology really means that much.if I could just not care, hmm, I don't think I would even bother typing this out now wouldn't I? I wouldn't even bother nope not at all. :)
I've been staring at this for the past hour, thinking if I should post it. Perhaps, it's tit for tat. Perhaps not. It's a bigger issue underneath definitely, and if you wonder why it sometimes happens with your other loved ones as well, maybe it's all because it's you. I'm sorry.

2009-06-18T13:45:00.002+08:00

*JUMPS AROUND*
FIRST BDAY PRESENT. =D

Really really happy it's something concrete? Idk how to put it, but perhaps I haven't been receiving timely bday presents that it does not matter anymore, or that I'm numb to late presents. BUT! I'm still very very thankful for this calvin! Thank you so much. =))

2009-06-12T00:21:00.003+08:00

PEEPS, my wishlist is below LHS in the nav bar there. ahaahs. =)

but anyway, gosh I'm soooo tempted! HOLGA! ;0

See disderi THREE-lens white/green (look like transformer!) --> $30 here

See Blackbird, Fly (black) + colour flash --> $223 (okay, this is DAMN ex, but oh so vintage!) here

See Holga K200N/FEL (Red) --> $98 (this very worth, includes fisheye!! colour flash and normal holga!! but not very pretty exterior lehs... :P) here

See Holga 120 GCFN (Orangey-red/Yellow)* + 35mm Adapter + Fisheye Lens --> $157 (this is the nicest, most vintage, most expensive holga. RAWR.) here

I think the only thing I can afford is the disderi....oh wells, MAYBE I will get it. ahahahs. :P *hint*hint*

No larh, I'd prefer a phone wrap which can cover some ugly scratched spots on my phone...
Or a pretty new phone cover!
Or well, idk, how about a teach-me-to-use-make-up-to-accentuate-my-face-workshop?

haahs, oh wells. lol. idk wth is going through my mind too, I'm supposed to be finishing my report. hahas. xP

okay okay, bye I'm off. =)

2009-06-10T23:08:00.002+08:00

I realise I'm very scared of losing -

I'm afraid good things that come my way may not last,
good things that happen to me are not deserving of me,
and so I'm afraid of losing them,
and I get scared even when my name is printed in black ink on the letter,
I'm so afraid it's a typo, because I feel undeserving of it,
is it me?

I really do not know why they gave the scholarship to me; I think they pity me.

But good things that have come my way so far are the tests in which I know how to do them, at least I think better than other people, whom have commented on the difficulty of it - but I'm afraid my test results will turn out like SPM, in which I thought it'd be alright, but the grades came out like crap? So, I don't know, I really do not dare get my hopes too high, for I fear I will jinx it somehow.

The interview went very well too. The interview for my internship - I chose Taipei for my first choice, since that one the pay is the best! And got people go with me~ No, sally I didn't choose pacific place coz there only got one placement and my mom disallows me to go by myself, unless of course I get to stay with you. LOL. But, don't feel pressured by this larh, just saying only~~ lol.

Yeah, well, recently I keep talking of going to Taipei like it's already set, like I have already gotten it. And it really scares me, because I was never one to count her eggs before they hatched. And it scares me to see the person I have become, too many successes in life huh? It's just a recent spate of good things happening all too quickly, they seem surreal and not mine to keep, if you get what I mean? I'd rather my good things came slowly...even if I had recently faced several setbacks and tough times, and perhaps it's god's way of "repaying" me for my perseverance, but I just can't help feel insecure...and it raises my doubts.

See as soon as I typed that sentence I got a call about a conflict for me to resolve. While it's nothing I cannot resolve, it's still a problem with my cca. It's not that I am unable to handle, manage and do stuff within it, but it has many restrictions...it leads me to doubt, why Mr Thomas even bothered in the first place. If he did not wish me to take over, then he should not have even allowed me to, and he should have closed the club instead. I am not incapable, but I guess I have to prove to him that I can do even MORE even with his restrictions. But if you have compared last year and this, I have done more as a president, than any of the other 2 presidents I have seen thus far, and all I can say is, well, it's not my call, after all I guess I was not voted up to the position, but nevertheless: mei you kong lao, ye you ku lao. So, yeaps, I would really like to go and thrash things out with Mr Thomas, but judging by his character, I know that will never work out, I will simply fall out with him and there it goes, I will end up resigning. The fact is, I do not mind resigning, I do not mind falling out with him, I do not mind NOT getting my testimonial from him, I really cannot care less for these things with him. It's simply the fact that I'm not recognised and I'm an efficient person, but once things go through him, it slows down and screws up. Gosh, sometimes I wish he was more aligned with me. Or maybe I should align myself with him and give him at least TWO weeks buffer time in future. But oh wells, it proves to be a greater challenge. And, what has often been said; what does not kill you, makes you stronger. I'm going to show him I can be even more capable with all the restrictions he has set, I'm going to give it to him. We're going to have a project of scale that will put NYAA Chapter on the map of NP. THAT, I will show him.

- I think. If I had enough time~~ =S RAWR. But I know I have at least attained some portions of my kpi, I managed to get people to a PAYING event, and many to sign up for the gold award. I don't think I have done too badly thus far, and I'm pleased. =) Okay, time to work harder! JIAYOU JASMINE! =D JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!!!

2009-06-09T23:04:00.006+08:00

OH-MY-GOD

CNY 2010 will be on 14 Feb!! YAY!
*SCREAMS AND JUMPS AROUND LIKE MAD!!!*

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRAYYY!!!

I AM DAMN HAPPY.
SERIOUSLY.

YIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS ANYMORE -- even my score at bejewelled. =DDD

& no, it's not coz it's v'day at the same time. -.- please, I'm not so lame

2009-06-08T22:49:00.002+08:00

2009-06-08T13:03:00.001+08:00

I'm a-lying if I say I'm not happy :)

omgomgomgomgomgomgomg!
& I hate counting my eggs before they hatch.
I think they're semi-hatched~~
only one way to find out.

2009-06-07T14:44:00.003+08:00

This is a tree root. yes, tree root. CROSS SECTION!!

you didn't think I was gg to show you my address now did I? ;)

Now, doesn't this look photoshop-ed? A pretty orange lighting effect all over the tree leaves. =)

This is from the top of a field up on the top of my estate. pretty right? It was windy too~~ and I could see the cars on the road alongside my estate too...oh wells... it's nice...

All these from my run that day...to bishan park!! On my way back, when the sun was going down... =)

2009-06-04T18:59:00.003+08:00

oh oh oh, I'm so supposed to be like doing stmo tutorial five now, but, I don't know, I'm a bit distracted. Okay, I will go straight back after this post. swear swear, pinky swear. Oh oh oh forgot I was supposed to go online for A WHILE to talk to xing.

Okay, appearing offline.

TODAY! Oh geez, the bus was so damn fast I got to school in like 15 minutes. For the first time, the bus is as fast as a taxi. OH wait, but not counted, since the taxi drives from my doorstep to school, not the bus though. I reached school at like 715am I think??? SRSLY, and I saw yaowei there alrd, hahahahs. He was saying how this was the EARLIEST he ever saw me in school. Well, both of us are the "early-birds" really. Heh. Turns out we were all here for the OIAP interview. GOSH, we had to fill in this form all in Chinese!! *and mind you, NOT simplified Chinese at that! I had a good time, coz yaowei and I were both laughing away at how he pronounced and read the words...haahs. BUT ANW!

well, I wanted to post pictures? But I think forget it, I'm too lazy to reach for my phone and cable. haahs. :P well, it doesn't matter because those are really cool pictures. which will make an impact another day another time. Not as if it will be obsolete. =)

OH RARR, MY TEST IS ON SATURDAY AND I HAVEN'T STARTED STUDYING. SO, OKAY I HAVE TO GO. THIS IS SUCH A BORING POST. PLEASE DO NOT READ IT. I WILL EDIT LATER. HAHAHAHAHAHS.

OKAY, NOW IT'S JUST LAME. -.-

--
Right, so, I just feel so lucky for the trmk test. I mean, can you imagine, it's just so wrong that I feel that the test is ALRIGHT (when everyone thinks otherwise) and when I only finished reading through all the stuff RIGHT BEFORE the test...and I dared sleep at 1+am without studying finish okay...it's just...incorrect...how come, it's just unsettling... :s

OH wells, anyway, point is that it's over. OVER. I will enjoy Sunday before Monday when I start to study for STMO quiz. AIIZ. oh wells, I'm not going to think about monday first. Sometimes, we just need to ignore whatever that is in our head, just to rest, relax and recharge.

Which means I should actually go and sleep now - coz I srsly feel so damn tired now...which I cannot understand - I had "sufficient sleep", I went swimming as per normal, I couldn't eat much either, I just feel a bit like crap now...ughs. OH WELLS, wanted to upload pics, but my phone went a little haywire and the computer is slightly hang-ed as it has been recently; as if too much of its ram/memory is being used for something else, so it cannot load other programmes properly...which rly makes no sense..but, I'm not gg to dwell into that yet. I ALSO BOUGHT A PAIR OF DAMN HIGH SWEET HEELS FROM BATA AT $19! They are marie-clare's okay! :D

kaykays, pictures another day. =)

with love
jas :)

P/S: congrats PB on making it!
P/P/S: hua, take care okay? aiyo, rest well, monday I meet you go study larh~~
P/P/P/S: anyone want to watch dance, subaru! with me? Or night at the musuem 2? I'm srsly dying for a movie! :s

2009-05-21T18:23:00.002+08:00

landmark entry

has it been a year? or has it been a semester?

Well anyway the point is that, it's been a pretty long while.

Maybe it's me who hasn't let go.

But, I think everyone knows it themselves that they haven't let it go.

They know. They know. They know.

And they still bear something for it.

I know. I know. I know.

Well, I can't let it go, so that is alright by me.

It's just a bit haunting, coz I can't wait to get out of NP and start afresh somewhere else.

And that is always a bad thing.

I mean, in future I'm just gna be like, oh, NP, I had some bad memories there.

People always remember the worst and I think it applies both ways.

haahs, well, if you look at Thailand, and how they're just trying to promote all that's good now, to try to remove the stigma from their country, then maybe I should do the same huh?

LOL. But I'd say, it's always different for a destination and a human being.

I guess I just retracted into a shell and got out of that situation asap. As expected of a stupid cancerian. GOSH, why must I give in to my nature??

But, then again, what was I supposed to do? The stupid defeatist nature should be abolished.

arhs, wells, idk, I think it'd be horrible of me to say that I used to be here, but now I'm nowhere. And someone else has now replaced me...

Would it have been better for me to have shut up that day? Or perhaps think things properly through before shooting my mouth off? Well, could you blame me for being angry at the way they were talking about my bff? Then again, what was I thinking? If it really must be tracked back, I was not receptive of my dear bff too. I guess I was more afraid of the class politics it would implicate than I thought. I thought, I already had a good thing going with my class, and just when my clique and I was getting along, suddenly, a new type of situation arose.

I'm really not blaming my dear bff for being the new type of situation, because in life, we can never be prepared for situations to suddenly arise, and this is but part and parcel of life. But perhaps, I only know that now, and well, it's too late to go back to that time to undo things. Well, anyway, I guess I was more afraid of change than I thought I was, I guess I really am cowardly, for I didn't even apologise to my class for well treating them unfairly. Then again, they were at fault too. Yet, all I can say is that this whole thing was just handled badly. Maybe coz I blocked everyone out. I didn't and couldn't think through what was the right thing to do.

I just allowed myself to feel victimised, I just sunk in and let defeat in and take over, I just didn't do what was right, I just became a coward...

If I could just apologise for everything now, I really would, but was I really the only one at fault? No, I wasn't. But, my apology would really help to revert the whole thing and help me kiss and make up with everyone. And if faced with that, the me right now would just do it, take the humble pie, apologise.

But did the me then thought it was the right thing to do? Honestly, if we take another perspective, I had to go full circle in order to understand the lesson they were trying to teach me. Perhaps they did teach me something. And the me now is wiser, even if only by an inch, I really feel wiser and how much I did need to learn in conflict management. Sometimes, we need to learn certain things the hard way, otherwise we would never grow. If I had not spoken out that day, imagine I would still be the an fen shou ji girl and hua said people like that didn't achieve great things. While of course, it's not about the speaking up that makes you a great person, but it's also about willing to acknowledge and be willing to make the necessary apologies and bu chang when it boils right down to it and being the bigger person. It doesn't even matter if you feel that your mistake was smaller compared to others, the fact remains you made a mistake and you should apologise for it.

Well, I feel a bit better now. I think people still care, it just belongs more to the gossipy-variety and the NPF ("Ngee Ann Poly Friend" - quote ani) variety. I had things to lose, and I guess I underestimated and overestimated it all. The friendships, the support, the things I believed to be true, turned out to be more of smoke than solid rock. Was it me, my character? Or was it that I was thick-headed and couldn't SEE who I really was to them. Well, whatever it was, will never be now. I'm not angry or anything anymore, I have already lost it - whatever was it that idk if it was ever worth keeping even in the first place. Perhaps, I would have been happier holding on to the illusion, but now that I've come out of it, perhaps it was good too.

Well, *laughs bitterly* the fact that I even feel so aggravated by this really shows how much I cared. After everything, there's not much I can do about it. I guess the only action to take now is to let it go, and once I have done it, I will be happier. =)

Even if that isn't my character to let things I care for go, I HAVE to this time or maybe it'd be good practice for the future too. In the first place, I probably got too attached. I must remember that these are acquaintances. Jasmine, please, just this once, get it into your thick skull.

Coming back to the beginning, I have learnt much, grown much, learnt to ignore more. It's never something nice to feel hated by others, and I really wonder if it was all worth it. If only things were really so simple, as simple as standing up for a friend, but not as complex as hurting other friends in the process. Were they friends? Were they acquaintances? But then, I guess they must have cared too, after all, there is no anger and hurt if one didn't care... Right?

well, I guess, I did screw up. And there's no longer any point regreting and looking back. I have learnt much and I will hold on to those lessons dearly. They're not something I'm proud of, but sometimes, real experiences like that really do help. There, well, I hope this review has helped me to accept this whole matter properly and come to terms with it. After all I have always been going on and on about it just because I haven't accepted it. Well, if you hear me mention it once more and again, then you know I haven't accepted it. Oh wells. Doesn't matter then I will review it again after another semester and we'll see how again then. I'm just glad now, that I took this first step.

2009-05-11T15:27:00.003+08:00

too many too many things on my plate.

they always say that we should focus focus focus.

And I think that is not wrong.

Because now I feel like I have left many things behind.

I feel I have forgotten my love for many things.

which if I hadn't talked to hua, wouldn't have come out.

Like I recognised it, but I was not willing to admit it or face it. Till today when I spoke of it.

it really showed how I left too many things behind.

I left them so far behind, I almost forgot about them.

So for example how I loved community service.

I deprived joy from it. There were such simple pleasures.

But now, ask me to return to community service and I will just turn sour -

- I don't have time for that!

(or maybe I have lost touch with it.)

The environment; my passion for the environment;

it was strong, burning, deep.

But now, ask me to do something for mother earth, to feel indignant for the cutting down of trees -
- I'd rather go for convenience. I want fast fast fast!

(I started feeling so upset today, when I saw that they had cut down yet more trees! All those beautiful trees I grew up with, which accompanied me home day- in and out since I stopped taking the school bus service. I started talking non-stop about it. Like how I used to.
Before, I got too tired and would stop after a while, maybe I was disillusioned, believing that was just the way the society worked and that I didn't have the energy to fight against it, I was trying to focus on finishing what was on my plate first. Today. I think I revived and uncovered what was buried so deep, I thought I would never find it again)

so, everything I have ever fought for, my causes.
so, all those adventurous stuff that appealed to me.
so, everything and anything of my interest I used to have.

they all seemed to have been lost. lost. lost...

lost to academics.
lost to projects.
lost to cca.
lost to a position.
lost to responsibility.
lost to fatigue.
lost to my tired soul.

I'm looking for you. Would you come out again please?

I miss you. I need you. I want you. I can't lie to myself.
I can't live without you. Without you, I just won't be me.

I really did love me then. Life was fulfilling.

things on my platter:
Academics
NYAA Chapter
Projects:
+ WISP
+ Ethical Dilemmas
+ Final Year Project
+ Service Quality
+ PT Indiv.
+ Retail Mgmt
+ Service Quality Indiv.
+ Biz Comm 3 sales scenario

I think the projects are enough to kill. Inclusive of the chapter having to restructure, and other events I have yet to start planning. Maybe I will die first. =) I'm afraid, I will just drop everything. I'm afraid I will lose my faith. Please, help me through this.

2009-05-06T20:18:00.002+08:00

arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I feel like screaming my head off.

I have just spent like the past dno how long playing word challenge, bejeweled blitz, typeracer on facebook and continuously spam and play. I guess I thought it would help me to destress. BUT, I think that failed. GOSH. I'm soooooooooooo stressed up! Like, OMG, why got so many many many bu shun xin de problems rising?? =(

Like, SQTR, we got all the negative comments, it's like...super discouraging. =(
Like STMO, we have two tutorials to complete and like, okay, actually I only need to do one question, but once I think of it I feel like crying. :'( no time to think/do, or rather, I have no mood. =((
Like IPT, individual project brief is up and she said HAVE FUN. =(((((

hua was sick today too. So this means she cannot come for pt meeting, which means she did not meet ms ng, and we're missing her part for the proposal. =( Which was meant to conclude the draft by today. =(((((((( And by the time she send will prob be super super late? Our schedule is SUPER tight!! Not that I don't have any sympathy for a sickly girl, she's like my bff, I'm most upset by her illness, and of course I understand how she feels. But seriously, to quote "you cannot afford to fall sick in year three". RAWR. RAWR. RAWR. =((

HAIZ. Okay, this is just like rant rant rant post. Sorry to whoever who even reads this, but yeah. =(((((((((((((((

I'm just feeling so sad. =((((((((((

even starbucks mocha frappe couldn't cheer up me or trigger-happy me. =( RAWR. I'm alrd feeling tired. =((( no empowerment, no joy, no energy, no motivation;

FEELING SO DISCOURAGED.

I shall not spam like super long secondary-school-ish punctuation which is so childish. But, I'm just seriously. feeling very horrible. =(

jiawen just reminded me that we have a very long way to go. HAIZ. =(

OKAY, bye people, toodles. later. =(

2009-05-05T00:50:00.003+08:00

starbucks;
my quiet place;

I really like it there;
alone time, thinking time, people-watching time
caffeine booster time, scenery admiration time, regaining composure time

well, it's my place.
really like it there.
enjoyed my day.
glad I went.

a new kinda familiarity.

2009-04-29T00:23:00.003+08:00

:)

I wonder.
Sometimes are we really smiling?
I always think, believe I am happy.
I always like to draw smileys.
I really do.
Well most times.
Well most of these times.
Maybe back last time there would be times I just draw them for the sake of drawing them.
But I know now I draw them because I do like them.

It's just that...
How many of them should one draw until one realises one is tired and no longer wants to draw them?
Then again this contradicts with the fact that if you are TRULY happy, why would you be tired?
Why, people can be so happy they can smile from ear to ear all day without their cheek muscles getting tired.
So, the question is, the doubt is, whether I'm really happy?
I guess I am, since I am not tired of drawing them yet.
Except, I do think I WILL be tired of them eventually? And it is with this type of thinking that kinda indicates to me that maybe somewhere deep down I AM unhappy?

This is all very confusing.
Though I do hope you understand what I mean. I mean I know what I am talking about. But that is just about it.

Still, today as I was walking home, since the day was cool from the early morning rain, the windows of parked cars on the way had lots of condensed water on it. The sort where you can write stuff on it or draw on it still.
And there I was, drawing smiley faces on almost every single pane. Those I was sure I would not get caught for. :P Hahahahas.
It was quite a test of courage actually, coz I was afraid people would like look out their windows and wonder wth this girl was doing at the cars, like what would happen if they thought I was a car thief??! GOSH!

haahs, but after I leave they'd find a big fat smiley staring back at them :)
Which is actually kinda sweet if you think about it. HAAHS.
I guess you could totally mark my route home, just look for the smileys. Haahs.

Especially the car with the lamppost shining directly over it, the smiley was particularly obvious. Though I do think, by the time when people wake up to see their cars, the smileys'd be gone. :( But oh wells, I hope they will see it anyway and feel happier. HAAHS.

Though it'd be like ghostly? haahs. :)

idk, I think I am a happy girl.
But sometimes I don't know what I feel.
I know it is probably normal. But.
How come I'm so happy and optimistic?
Like most of the time?
Is there something wrong with my wiring?
Or maybe some people might think it's the right wiring?

Well, haahs, I guess it's like I am a completely blissful idiot who like should be totally whacked for complaining about being happy. HAAHS. So maybe you should totally smack me to wake me up and remind me how blessed I am.

Haahs, well anyways, with the recent onset of swine flu, (please pronounce it SU-WHHIINE) my mom says polyclinics and hospitals are on code yellow = all visitors must take temperature.
RAWR.
She told me to stay away from everyone who was sneezing and coughing?
*looks away and acts blur*
opps, I know I think I should stay away from myself. HAHAS. I'm the one sneezing away. >.<

See, there really is a disease for every single animal larh, list as follows:
Chicken, Duck, Bird Category = Bird Flu
Cow (i.e. beef) = Mad Cow Disease
Pig (pork) = Swine Flu
Sheep (mutton) = Scrapie, a brain-wasting disease
Fish, seafood = Lead poisoning (from pollution of seas)

In conclusion, let's just turn vegetarian. but then vegetables also got a lot of pesticides...I guess that leaves being ORGANIC vegetarians.

I remember telling my mom the many different types of diseases associated with every type of meat and stuffs. In my bid to like make fun of her paranoia. Just a while back she was going on about not allowing me to eat beef anymore coz of mad cow disease. I was like -.-"

Well, anyways, my point being, if we're afraid of every single thing, does this mean we should stop eating altogether? I believe it will save our lives more than slowly poisoning ourselves with all the microbes, bacteria and viruses of the world.

It still does not mean because we're afraid of falling into the toilet bowl, we stop peeing altogether right?
It does not mean because we fear losing our lives, we stay cooped up in a house with security and padlocks?
More importantly, we cannot live life like that; because there is no way to avoid all risks and dangers of life and if we try to do it, we will just end up going crazy I think because we can do nothing all day but look out into space, tied up in a bed or smth.
Typing may break your nail!
Swallowing may cause you to choke on your own saliva!
Thinking may just cause you a headache which may lead to a brain tumour anyway, so you might as well just either go and kill yourself right now or like tie yourself into a ball and lock yourself in a well-padded room.
I'm just gna live life on the wild side and take some risks. ;)

RAWR. Good food again today! :D
But, aiya, horrible horrible that I am growing fat. :(
I need to get back on my exercise regime. :(
Kaykay, I think I'm done with this post.

More tomorrow I guess, with more inspiration from around. :)

toodle-dos. :)

2009-04-28T09:01:00.002+08:00

I have been neglecting this blog for so long I almost feel bad. :(
Haahs, almost.
Okay, that was just a figure of speech. :P
I do feel bad.
I wonder why hua has more time to blog than I ever do to.
Which made me sad when I decided to go visit it. And saw the amount of activity on it.
I need a window to express my free soul!!!
It's screaming to be let out!!!
Which probably explained what I came up with last night for RAWR.
It started with Retarded Aliens Within Range!
Then it became Racist Asshole Within Range!
Then it became Retarded Asshole Without Rear!
Haahs, well I was bored & you must admit some of them are pretty good. heh.

Oh wells, so I have been like working on the SQTR tutorial therefore I was so lagged behind in posting. Now I'm a bit tired from typing the tutorial answers and because my brain is like not reacting to the speed our dear lecturer is going at and not being able to catch wth his tutorial is about, I end up spending a whole lot of time to finish my tutorial. So RAWR.
Without an original thought I believe is in the entire tutorial.

Oh wells. Anyways, this is the end of one lesson. And BCOMM3 coming up next.

Continue later. toodle-do.

2009-04-21T08:30:00.001+08:00

2009-04-19T02:11:00.003+08:00

handsewn book for my brother's birthday. =) here to show off a bit. haahs. :P

That's my handwriting! =)

That's like the bookmark =)

Overall pic of the book. This isn't very flattering for a small thumbnail size, but expand lor, it's nice =) haahs. =)

2009-04-12T20:41:00.005+08:00

Say goodbye;;

nv gna use pink again. I don't like pink. it looks so...cheap. =(

2009-04-12T02:15:00.006+08:00

okay yay, dear jas is here to blog again! Can you believe I actually felt like blogging after reading my last post again, so it's like lame. :P hahas.

Anyways, just a lil update bahs...on stuffs... I did coffee staining yesterday! Some of my results are very very pretty! Especially the red and green ones. Haahs, that was actually an accident but a fortunate accident I would say. Hush, not gna tell you the secret. HEH. :P But it's nice yeah? Too bad the lighting in my room still sucks (even in daylight), so, you can't really see how beautiful these are! Cameras should have rods and cones too. haahs.

Some pics here;;

So, today we went to queensway to made comm tee. Xians, we won't get to wear them for first day of fiesta coz won't be ready. boo. But anyways, that's not the point. After which we went to ikea to eat. Calvin walked so fast, so I was like yelling at him to slow down since I was wearing my booties! (<33) Yeah, then so happened he ended up saying hi to his acquaintance (okay, cute guy alert! screammmms :P). I was like totally first thing I want to do is hide my face. So paiseh can??! Omg, like how come so bu qiao one. hAAHS. but well, ONE thing I learnt from the terrible movie knowing (more on that later) is that shit happens. So, well, too bad, just take it as a fleeting thing. =)

Haahs, okay yay, at ikea was fun, coz I met my neighbour? LOL. He was like, jasmine! I don't even recognise you anymore! haahs, then I was like just small talk. heh. Oh and it began to rain cats and dogs. SO had to push back meeting ks for movie coz from ikea to bus-stop wasn't sheltered! =( Oh wells, anyways, yeaps, had like fun talking about weird stuffs and hua trying to kope my jewellery by wearing them and hiding them below her jacket; LOL. I wonder where she got the bad influence from lor. HAHAHS. :P So, yeaps, then later reach town, buy tickets, slack at border's, buy starbucks mocha frappe and entered cinema! OH GOSH, the MOCHA FRAPPE is GOOD! I haven't had a good one since I first had one (wait, I don't rmb the first one tasting so good either :P). So even though the barista was slow, it was WORTH it. ahahhas. ;) <3333 her. ;)

well yeaps, that's about it to my day. hmm, look at the pictures above...I was so trigger happy and just kept snapping pictures of the paper. :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

okay, new term coined that time by me: brokes and brokettes = babes and hunks who are broke. Which is me now, coincidentally since now I have forgotten how much it hurts the pockets to go out with people who go dutch. opps. xp Since I paid for everything myself, suddenly like no money...sighs, oh wells...it's supposed to be this way anyways. Which is might as well, since it may curb my outing tendencies. heh. :)))))))))))))))))))

okay yays. Knowing;; arhs, I won't even bother wasting my saliva on it. It was a horribly predictable movie and atypically hollywood draggy scenes. Hmm, basically, you might want to bring in ear plugs as the sounds from explosions are awfully loud. :) But otherwise pretty much don't waste your money on it, I'll just tell you the ending. Everyone dies in the end and only nicholas cage's son and another girl are chosen by aliens to begin the human race again. yay.

BUT i do like one part; shit happens. That's all. :) Yeaps, rounding off my day. yay.

2009-04-08T23:51:00.003+08:00

FUN DAY

I cannot put it any other way, so, it will have to do. It was REALLY fun. Gosh, mad rush of adrenaline! Running from here to there and meeting screaming womAn, "more mayo sir?" at the takoyaki joint "that'd be $2.30 sir" (now put that on repeat) the length of time we spent there chomping down on piping hot takoyaki. Then running back out to Iluma (the new SC at Bugis) for our movie (12 Rounds) at FILMGARDE. I think the popcorn sucks, it made me sick after like half-bag. ughs. Well anyways! Actually the day started off with the Flea Market at Thieves Market behind Sim Lim Tower at Sungei Road. I was there so early I was pacing around Sim Lim Tower and checking out what they sold there (nuts, bolts, tools, sockets, etc.). Then we entered the flea and there was some mediacorp artist filming as some host for some new show at one of the road entrance; the director was fierce fierce and she looked really scared and pissed at the same time. Haahs. In any case, we then decided to buy ice-cream since the weather was so damn hot! And we bought it from an uncle who was smoking <-- Nicotine's a friend of mine x( (a bit late to go, nvm, dont want larh and walk away, so just get lor. :p) Oh wells, anyways, so we were eating ice-cream and walking around, there's MANY MANY things there, like weird random stuffs and like here and there and all kinds of things! Haahs. I then saw an owl handbag. Oh gosh, it's cute! Picture below! :D Great find, was $15, and calvin slashed it down to $12. :D YAY. haahs. :D (please let no one tell me they have the same thing, or there are places you can find this at lower than $12, I will just cry. :P) Well, okay, I'm like getting tired. HAAHS, but anyways, I shall move on away from the flea mkt. So next stop, Objectif lomo embassy at ~~Seah Liang Street~~ opps, no, it's Liang Seah Street. But point is we got there anyways. Heh. :) Well, lomos are expensive in conclusion; though really fun! :D

Next stop! Next stop! Artfriend! Okay, idk how I am going to do it, but I'm gna try to bookbind by hand a notebook for my brother? I don't know if it will work yet, but I have got some thick needles which will hopefully pierce through stacks of paper. :) I do wonder though if my brother even uses notebooks. hmm. :P Regardless, then I found turquoise tracing paper and stupid me bought it without any folder/laptop/book of any kind to keep it straight, so I ended up having to hold on to the paper and PRAY and hope by all means that I folded it as little as possible (I'm pretty sure it's bent here and there already. :( ) Okay, Im not gna look. :x So that was artfriend. They close so early we practically speed-walked everywhere! haahs!

So, now hua wanted to watch a movie. So that brings us back to the start at Iluma. :) I think the place should be fully renovated before I can say if it's nice. There were various things there and there's even a 7 floor that is labelled sky? O.o WANT TO GO! But access not ready yet. :( Oh wells, oh yes, then while at the cinema I saw this girl carrying a cow soft toy which she won from the arcarde. So I got tempted to try! Rarr, but the machine totally cheated my feelings lor, coz like the claws aren't even strong enough to lift up the soft toy I wanted. So it was really a scam.
>:(

HMPH.

But anyway, got over it. Coz such things scam money one and feelings. Nvm, next time zzx can try again for the ghost dog! haahs!

So anyways, we were running back to Iluma for the movie rmb? Yeah, we were late due to the takopachi. Calvin was like speed walking and moving so quickly, and hua and I was competing and trying to keep up with him, then while winding through some area suddenly this girl screams into my face! Like she kena shocked by me or screamed at me as if I was some sort of kidnapper/flasher who wanted to kill/kidnap/abduct/flash at her?? O.O GOSH! I mean like hello, I don't even think you LOOK GOOD. Don't come screaming at me! Coz I turned back and saw her look of disgust? UGH. WHATEVER. I was so pumped up with adrenaline and laughs then I just laughed into her face. HAHHAS. I'm not apologetic because of your face. So, there! In your face. HAAHS! :P

That pretty much concludes this very happy and fun and adrenaline-pumped up day. :) Covered so many places in like such a short period of time! Woohoo. Had so much fun and got home early to boot. :D Made mom happy. Haahs. :D AND also had enough sleep till 12pm. Who says you can't do many things in a short day? :DDDDDDD Okay, enough of my crazy, madly rushed out day. I had fun.

There's the tracing paper and it's okay. You can't really see the turquoise coz that's just as well as the lighting in my room goes. haahs. OWL OWL OWL! It's really nice. =)

Okay then I saw this huge bunch of bananas by the goreng pisang stall. So yeah, after which my canon died on me and the rest was taken using my phone.

Okay so they had a huge pikachu, doraemon and ultraman at the arcarde. Below us posing! haahs! Can see the pikachu's as tall as me!

<3333333333333333333 LION <333333333333333333333

Calvin's supposedly in the doraemon but he can't fit. :P hahahas. :P
And then he decided to show off a chair. Or as he likes to pronounce it, chi-yeah. Their chairs are comfy lor. Damn nice and expensive looking arcade.

note about filmgarde: chairs small and not very comfy. sucky popcorn. golden cheese (+2.20 for extra cheese for nachos). movies start on time. Other than that, it's nothing to rave about.

-------CONCLUDE POST-------

2009-04-04T13:28:00.005+08:00

hearts hearts kisses kisses

it's april already dear people. boo. that means back to school in like 15 days. arghs. Well, anyhoos, I removed my wisdom teeth on my right side yesterday... it's supposed to hurt like hell, but right now, i'm a-okay, without painkillers and it's swelling just a teeny weeny bit. =) Ate ice-cream for dinner, but it was so unfilling. and now i have porridge, hmm. But i think the porridge's really getting stuck in all little crooks and crannies and abysses of my mouth. hahas. Well, just swell. (pun intended)

SO, chalet's been really great. And i'm striking things off my errands list by and by. Oh, I recently upgraded the firmware on my phone and now it's running like a million miles per second. haahs. Okay, i really do mean it's really fast. WOOSH. Hearts hearts kisses kisses.

Really do want to start up my etsy shop. =S I've read almost everything on the seller's guide and I think the one thing I really lack is good photography skills. I mean, sure I can just go ahead and take plain white backgrounds and close up shots of my pieces, but how boring would that be? like SUPER. It won't stand out and since I have no perspective and angle, photography just doesn't work out for me. Sure I can take other stuffs, perhaps it's all part of my training...When I get more experience, but for now, anyone knows any photographers? Who takes such stuffs of course...

Arhs, okay, prays tomorrow that I won't have a swollen cheek then I will be able to go watch a movie. HOPEFULLY for free. x) heh. Okay, I'm not going to rot around all day long. Since I bought that camera, I better make full use of it. Otherwise it's just like $320 down the drain! Gosh! And, anyhows, since using this camera and my previous one, I realise the picture quality and feel still is similar, which means it really is my lousy photography skills or that the models (aka friends and me) who really remains the same. :P hahahas. okay eww, even i hate my own pictures, not nice to look at. =(

arhs, okays, see ye see ye! Do you like this clothing? It's gently used and I think they're not bad. =) Selling on like ebay's really hard, coz your stuffs must be rock bottom. Sighs. okays, well, lookie and recommend? OH, btw, items are quote your own price. :) hearts hearts kisses kisses lovelies! & jiayou xing! you can do it. ;)

inclusive normal postage, and I don't really care how much you quote me, as long as it's not too ridiculously low. I just do want to clear these stuffs. and it's so wasteful that it's all being thrown out before it's even been used what twice? zzz

LACY CROPPED PANTS (tagged M)
waist: 27~27.5" (low-ride/hipster)
length: 27"
thigh width: 10" each
butt length (waist down to crotch): 12"

gold lace, pretty details! I wonder if you can click to expand the pic. otherwise ask me for close-up. xoxo

Ethnic babydoll top with sheer yellow but got inner lining (smocked back = free sizing)

washed out skinnys (grey/black) (tagged size 10)
length: 38.75"
waist: 29~30"
butt: 10.5" (down)
thigh: 10" (across)
calf: 6.5" (across)

utility skirt from 90210, beverly hills brand (tagged M)
waist: 28"
length: 15"

diff from your everyday skirt -- click pic to expand. two side pockets.

I kinda heart this dress, but it's so damn sweet for me! I'm no sweet pink person. But this definitely reminds me of like first dates and st. v

SWEET PINK (SUN) DRESS
length: 32"
across: 15" (smocked max 21")
black adjustable straps, red floral, striped pink and white and polkadots too. Stretchy comfy material.

email: ohliq@live.com.sg

2009-03-17T23:34:00.007+08:00

Amateur Photography Collection

2009-03-16T00:48:00.002+08:00

mudder

been meaning to spell "mother" this way but have always thought it'd be rude, so, no.
Regardless, this post is themed as such with part relations.
Whether it is to talk about rudeness when dealing with my mother,
or how she has always took my rudeness and dealt with it,
I'm glad for my mother being my mother.

okay, enough with the mushiness. x)

No one seems to be able to talk about people they love in the way it is simply supposed to be.
And that is filled with love,
complete with words,
wholesome with action.
As with any other teenager,
I'm not ready to admit yet that I love my parents,
in my heart I know it more than anything,
but words are not my forte.
It's funny however,
that I should be filled with brashness,
whenever I should think about confessions,
to the person I fall in love with.
Eventually,
I want to learn how to do so.
Remove the excuses.
Love should be so.
Simple,
Outright,
Warm,

2009-03-11T17:22:00.002+08:00

Marriage should not be flimsily based on the single romantic notion of love

Everyone struggles with life. But that's not the point.

Get away while you still can. I will bite.

If I could change your "mind", I would. But I am not liable for what happens.

Who put you on the throne?

For every right given there is responsibility to be taken.

People are selfish, so learn to live well with yourself.

We are conformists because it is comfortable.

Compromise is luxury.

Fear of the unknown will no longer be when we know.

Misinformation are often the catalysts of misunderstandings.

2009-03-01T23:01:00.002+08:00

okay, yay, gna show off my button-ed eyes. :) hahahahahas. looks creepy yeah? This is the trailer of the movie. It's SO DAMN NICE! If you can, watch the trailer on the website itself too; www.coraline.com

OKAY, so moving on, holiday plans! but first I must tell you guys how much I rly love the weather these few days, it ROCKS. =D
heart weather and am ready for the hols! yay!

upcoming! fun schedule equivalent :)
movies! movies! movies!
~~x Love Matters (Sunday)~~ it's a terrible movie. =(
x The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ~~(Monday)~~ TBA
x Cycling (TBA)
~~x Current Affairs Workshop (10,11,12 March)~~

Dramas
~~x Witch Yoo Hee~~
x ToGetHer (ai jiu zhai yi qi)
x Boys over Flowers
x Grey's Anatomy
x House
x Gokugen

Movies
x Coraline

Sewing Machine
x fabrics purchase
x attempts to create: jewellery tools case, purses, passport cover

Photography
x amateur photography

OHLIQ
x finish selling those ~~ragged~~ pieces of clothes!

Jasmine/A Tinge of Aquamarine
x jewellery tuning
x photography
x conceptualise
x photoshop

Cooking
x attempt to arrange/attend cooking lessons once a week with my mother

Fleas
x visit the theives' market at sugei road (since I FINALLY found out how to get there :)

Fitness
x once-thrice weekly jogging :) (or others like tennis and cycling)
x GOAL: to lose weight to below **kg :D (hey, it is happening okay)
x dance class
x GOLF! lol.
x kayaking!

Holiday?
x Hong Kong
x Australia
x Malaysia

CCA stuff
x NYAA Chapter
x SPIN@TRM - NATAS
x BGC

Further Studies Options
x Hong Kong
x Australia
x Switzerland

2009-02-28T20:03:00.005+08:00

More Coraline Videos!

This is cool.

This is FUNNY! WATCH THE MUSTACHE MOVE! evidence of stop motion film actually.

Now this one, watch the part where the puppet actor actually animates coraline puppet. it just shows how much work goes into stop motion.

2009-02-23T05:17:00.002+08:00

难道
洪俊扬　

说着下雨了我忽然明了
说好的明天我们已去不到(我们最后去不到)

你说分手好吗我说好吧
沉默那么痛呀
雨点越来越大一下一下
溅湿我生命中有你完美的夏(永远最美的夏)

难道你还没看到
整个天慢慢灰了
你说的我总做到就除了
把你给忘掉

难道你还没听到
我的心慢慢碎了
连电话我都删掉可是你的笑
怎么清除掉
忘也忘不掉
忘也忘不掉

I'm hooked on this song. It just sounds so 心酸...

2009-02-20T16:54:00.005+08:00

Consequences are dire

Yes, I'm angry.
How come I'm the one being judged?

The emotional roller coaster I've been through these few days,
it's nothing you can imagine.
You avoided worrying your parents,
I didn't.
Think about that.

I'm just trying to figure out,
how to avoid this mess if again.
What do I do about it.
I lost all the trust my mom built up in me,
like that.
one night.
gone.

So, like, stop judging me like you know me.
Or know what I've gone through.
And even stop being victimised.
Isn't it about time to stop?

Do I look happy to you?
How come you thought it was fun to stop talking?
Do I look like I got it easy?
I wouldn't be this mad if you HAD REALLY slept over in my house that night.
But the point is not admitting your fault, it's that it happened.
And I really wonder how I got myself into this.
how I got my family into this.

Only certain lines are dedicated to certain people.

I don't even know if to publish this. Where would this take us I wonder. What do I do if everything is jeopardised? I can't deal with this now. I want change; yet I don't want change.
I wonder if I am really in a bubble. To Mr K: EFF OFF. I miss my best friend, I want her back.

Do I wish that all these never happened or believe I have grown stronger and matured?

2009-02-20T04:13:00.002+08:00

oh f (deciding between fuck or freak)
oh well, here goes.
I can't sleep.
I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP.

get out of my brain quarantine.
be a good girl and leave.

ughs.
should never have watched that show.
now I'm more sleep-deprived than ever.
and I'm even more easily psyched when I'm sleep-deprived.

rarr.
I really want to sleep... :'(

2009-02-12T02:49:00.002+08:00

utterly unable to understand

never will the same thing happen again

i have no idea how it came to that

inability to sleep

today, really shook me

i do not have a good feeling

i need to talk to a normal rational person

maybe it has not hit me yet

i am not meant to be bad

can someone keep me good

i do not know what i need right now actually

the normal rational person does not seem to help

(no offence)

do i need a good night's rest?

but i know i cannot sleep

how did i end up like this?

how did it end up like this?

for once in my life

this is my "screwing point".

2009-02-11T09:44:00.000+08:00

"Love Story"

Taylor Swift

We were both young, when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts-
I'm standing there, on a balcony in summer air.

I see the lights; see the party, the ball gowns.
I see you make your way through the crowd-
You say hello, little did I know...

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles-
And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet"-
And I was crying on the staircase-
begging you please don't go...
And I said...

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,
It's a love story, baby, just say yes.

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet, because we're dead if they knew-
So close your eyes... escape this town for a little while.
Oh, Oh.

Cause you were Romeo - I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet" -
but you were everything to me-
I was begging you, please don't go-
And I said...

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess.
It's a love story, baby, just say yes-

Romeo save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story, baby, just say yes.
Oh, Oh.

I got tired of waiting.
Wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith in you was fading-
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
And I said...

Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting, for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think-
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said...

Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad -- go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby just say... yes.
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh.

'cause we were both young when i first saw you

I finally found the song! =)

2009-02-10T00:51:00.002+08:00

Oh, I have no idea why. I was feeling so damn insecure today! Like, perspiring palms and feet and even though I was wearing slippers, I couldn't walk proper at all. :S

So upsetting. Plus, I had to get shoes thanks to my old ones breaking last thursday after garrett's house. rarr. Although I must say my new shoes are not too bad, but I really hated walking alone, looking for shoes with feet sweaty and black (from slippers). Wanted to run into toilet to wash them, alas, no such hose there. :S Plus, long queues! Isn't today like monday??? o.o

:S

Well, I guess I snapped out of it eventually. Queued for the toilet, got into a cubicle, and started using toilet paper to dry and clean my feet of black "colouring" (idk what else to call it?) and dried slipper. Arhs, all better. With resolute, walked out, washed hands, got to store, tried size, walked around shop in shoes, bought them, got out.

:D

Though later the carrot cake store not being open (disappointing) and not having enough money for the new hp cover and screen protector I bought myself was a lil problemactic...Got home (still feeling weird, but better than with my feet being unable to walk proper) and ate three sushi for lunch. hmm, not what I call a good lunch, but it'd do.

:P

oh wells, maybe below will explain what was wrong with me today. It was a weird day.

Jasmine,
You are likely to be a bit confused today, because there are terrific spiritual energies affecting your personality and ego, and you are experiencing a disillusion of the boundaries you normally keep so strongly between yourself and the emotions of others.

2009-02-07T22:54:00.001+08:00

The Christmas Song

(Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire) : Lyrics

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping on your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe,
Help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow,
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know that Santa's on his way;
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother's child is going to spy,
To see if reindeer really know how to fly.

And so I'm offering this simple phrase,
To kids from one to ninety-two,
Although its been said many times, many ways,
A very Merry Christmas to you

2009-02-06T19:05:00.001+08:00

。有理不在声大。
。有心不在言表。

2009-02-05T01:07:00.001+08:00

Global warming 'irreversible' for next 1000 years: study
AFP
AFP - Wednesday, January 28

WASHINGTON (AFP) - - Climate change is "largely irreversible" for the next 1,000 years even if carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions could be abruptly halted, according to a new study led by the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA).
ADVERTISEMENT

The study's authors said there was "no going back" after the report showed that changes in surface temperature, rainfall and sea level are "largely irreversible for more than 1,000 years after CO2 emissions are completely stopped."

NOAA senior scientist Susan Solomon said the study, published in this week's Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences journal, showed that current human choices on carbon dioxide emissions are set to "irreversibly change the planet."

Researchers examined the consequences of CO2 building up beyond present-day concentrations of 385 parts per million, and then completely stopping emissions after the peak. Before the industrial age CO2 in Earth's atmosphere amounted to only 280 parts per million.

The study found that CO2 levels are irreversibly impacting climate change, which will contribute to global sea level rise and rainfall changes in certain regions.

The authors emphasized that increases in CO2 that occur from 2000 to 2100 are set to "lock in" a sea level rise over the next 1,000 years.

Rising sea levels would cause "irreversible commitments to future changes in the geography of the Earth, since many coastal and island features would ultimately become submerged," the study said.

Decreases in rainfall that last for centuries can be expected to have a range of impacts, said the authors. Regional impacts include -- but are not limited to -- decreased human water supplies, increased fire frequency, ecosystem change and expanded deserts.

I feel like the Earth is gna die. omg.

2009-02-04T01:14:00.002+08:00

Tiny Clip-On TV

glue the tv to your eyes anyone?

Hologram TV

how about more advertising and mass media information overload and overwhelm?

srsly!

Chocolate Superhero Fashion

choc superheroes anyone? ughs!

2009-02-03T09:40:00.001+08:00

According to getty images, this is the Jasmine flower. :)

2009-02-03T00:28:00.002+08:00

If you work at it hard enough,
it'd probably work out.

I don't even know where that came out from.

I don't wanna be one of the boys.
I just wanna be one of the girls.
Wear pretty pearls.
Stop treating me like a guy. Can't you see me as a girl?

whatever. I'm just so damn upset today.
Like my emotions just plunged to the bottom, and like hua was still saying that she see my face very black. Well, swk, you know what you said. So, be glad I'm not as petty as yourself, otherwise you can count on it that I won't talk to you at all after everything. Never been THIS upset before. Omg, I feel like screaming!

2009-01-31T18:09:00.003+08:00

Infatuation
Maroon 5

Baby, I don’t want to spend my life on trial
For something that I did not do
And maybe if you stopped and looked around some time
I wouldn’t pass right by you

Maybe it’s because you are so insecure
Maybe your plain don’t care
Maybe it’s the chase that really gets me off
I fall so when it’s just not there

Burn another bridge, break another heart
Try again, it will only fall apart

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It’s such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I’m touching your skin
If it’s only a fantasy, then why is it killing me?
I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)

Try to put my finger on what burns me up
It always seems to escape me
And when you have decided that you’ve had enough
Just tell me where I need to be

Now her face is something that I never had
To ever deal with before
She left me with the feeling that she’d had enough
And I’m the one wanting more

Burn another bridge, break another heart
Try again, it will only fall apart

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It’s such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I’m touching your skin
If it’s only a fantasy, then why is it killing me?
And I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)

I’m so attracted to you
The feeling’s mutual too
And I get scared the moment you leave
Get so hot I forget to breathe, yeah

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It’s such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I’m touching your skin
If it’s only a fantasy, then why is it killing me?
I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)
Ooh (I want it…)
Ooh (I want it…)
Yeah… (I want it…)

WIKIPEDIA SAYS
Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love; addictive love. Usually one is inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.

Infatuation is a common emotion characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development. Infatuation is distinguished by a lack of trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity. In the case of infatuation, there is more often than not an obsessor and an object of desire (generally unattainable). One may come to the conclusion that unlike love, infatuation is not mutual.

2009-01-30T22:59:00.003+08:00

I don't get it. I really don't. Why am I loathed? Maybe you don't see it, but I feel it. Your microexpressions tell me all. And I mean, I don't exactly dwell on it, but one black mark is gna haunt me forever. woah, talk about a break please.

RARR. Anyways, PB said I deserve better. =) So yay. =) for him, for me, for everyone. =)

Who cares anyway?!

specially dedicated to hua: all hugs and kisses from me to you.

Anyways, golf was fun. hahas. And, ohmy, it just seems crazy recently, things are overwhelming.

And I keep getting weird dreams about guys. and fantasies. OMG~ damn it. Sorry thas I lied, some I can see the face. But I just don't want to face up to them. xP

RARRRRRRRRR.

okay, well, sometimes, it's hard not to be angry at you guys, because I'm human too, I have emotions too. And you guys, in preserving your group, ever thought that I want to preserve mine too? Plus, can't you guys see, i'm trying my best not to bengkui here okay. You all don't ren duo qi fu wo, see I very nice then think can just push me around. I will rebound, rebel and just turn my back on everyone okay. Don't keep thinking I'd tolerate. Sometimes, I don't even know how I do that. I just feel like I'm being faced by fake smiles everyday everywhere. Oh god. What the hell, I really try to ignore. My clique's like the only group I can face. Oh damn you people. I'm just ranting and airing my grouses. Maybe I'm oversensitive, but, this is how I'm feeling and I really need to screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Sharon, don't leak okay. =)

I miss all my gfs. Where are you gals? I just want to hold you gals and hug you all. Why can't you all be my classmates instead? haiz.

Okay, enough with being depressed. =) Rarr, so tired, tmr my house is open for viewing: i.e. open house. HAHAHS. =) So, yeah, busy busy busy. =) Meanwhile, been working on this: nice not nice not. =)))) rarr. troublesome photoshop. Nvm, maybe tmr. =)

Meanwhile, shoes to die for!! =D GREENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

2009-01-27T23:54:00.002+08:00

I can't speak, so I am going to distract.

Pictures of Lower Pierce Reservoir during the run I did last thursday morning. =)

Pretty yeah? They often come here to film too. =) *muacks hua

2009-01-25T01:32:00.002+08:00

I don't really care if it rains,
would you, would you
bring me here?
please?

2009-01-25T00:42:00.002+08:00

wooh. I helped my mom do her hair today. Which is to dye them with henna. HAHAS. My hands were all filled with brown paste. :P Apparently my mom mixed it with coffee too. hahas. and today out with kah, tric, nat was REALLY FUN! hahahs =D I've never had such an honest laugh in a while. I don't know why, we just honestly suan each other, and I really didn't have to care about feeling bad. For a very long time. It felt very good.

Oh, and I bought the $6 shoes. I think I'm mad. HAHAHS. It happened after doing facial, like I was walking out and preparing to chiong home since I promised my mom to be home for dinner. But I just couldn't resist it, it was $6! I was trying to find something nice to buy. And I realise that I recently have this HORRIBLE bad habit, I become a spendthrift. I keep spending, it's like some form of retail therapy and it's hurting my bank. I so hate myself sometimes, I really don't know what is wrong with me, because it was so unnecessary to buy that pair of heels, even if it cost only $6. It didn't even look that nice. RARR. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

okay, I shall just chill. And try to get over it. If I really increasingly hate the heels, I'm gna sell them I guess. Hahas. Okay, yay.

Sometimes I think I can be quite the attention seeker. Or maybe my heart yearns/calls out to be one. Like today I wanted to just sit by the curb and start crying/stoning/emo-ing. HAHAS. Oh god, I'm so AA-AS. Please, someone kill me.

And to quote tric: so tight. so TIGHT.

2009-01-23T00:45:00.002+08:00

Rather tired. So I'm gna keep this short and sweet.

First, thank you joan for your present, I rly DONT KNOW why I forgot to bring your present. Makes me so damn pissed at myself. RARR.

Second, thanks girls for the dinner out. =)

Third, sorry I couldn't stay and like everyone had to go home...I know you girls wanted to go drink, so sorry. =(

Fourth, I think I like my new hair? I don't know, but I like the stylist? She's nice. =) Tell me what you guys think lehs.

Fifth, I don't really like my brows, and I think the beautician cut my skin, coz it hurts whenever I touch my right eyebrow. =/

Sixth, I hope the threading place is not closed for cny yet, otherwise my facial jiu pao tang alrd. =(

Seventh, I'm happy for you hua, I guess your feeling finally came. =)

Eighth, today I THINK the marketing company called about the survey. I think so because the freaking lady talk to damn fast I couldn't catch a word she was saying. Then she put down already. I don't even understand. I hope she didn't put the password, website and all that into that speech of hers... omg~

Nineth, omg, mental note: wy's bday, zx's bday, xing's bday, gor's bday. omg.

Tenth, it was a good day turn bad I guess. =( I mean with the walking around till I turned depressed shit. I should have just left at 2pm, got my facial over and done with and gone to meet you guys. sighs~

oh wells. Anyways, jogged to lower pierce reservoir today. =) Gorgeous scenary, show you guys pictures later. yay. =)

2009-01-22T13:08:00.000+08:00

2009-01-21T23:08:00.001+08:00

Follow link to watch music video. =)

Be The One - The Ting Tings

You say it's not what you do,
It's what you're thinkin of
Well I think it's just an excuse
It's what you put across
And I don't wanna be the one
Only overjoyed
Yeah I don't wanna be the one
Makin all the noise
Yeah I don't wanna be the one

So make sure you're thinkin it through
You've let me down again
Offer me somethin
I know you really meant
Cuz I don't wanna the one
Only overjoyed
Yeah I don't wanna be the one
Makin all the noise
Yeah I don't wanna be the one
Hey!

What you gonna offer now?

I don't wanna be the one
Only overjoyed
Yeah I don't wanna be the one
Makin all the noise
Yeah I don't wanna be the one
Hey!

What you gonna offer now?
What you gonna offer now?
What you gonna offer now?

This was not my idea
Don't you keep me waitin
This was not my idea
Don't you keep me waitin
This was not my idea
Don't you keep me waitin

2009-01-21T14:23:00.004+08:00

I want to feel like this.

;;

2009-01-21T01:12:00.002+08:00

parody:

of life.
how can we both be the same,
humans,
yet experience such differences?
I mean I know duh.
Just.
I get an air-conditioned bus; you get a lorry?

co-existence in one life. in one place.

2009-01-21T00:58:00.002+08:00

Tiny Orange Valley

Despite exhaustion, sunburn, and like a thousand and one things to carry, I took the scenic route home. Know how my house is situated in a valley-like estate. & taking the scenic route involves walking past the valley to get to the mouth. Such pleasure, the walk.

stars inter-sparsed with nightsky clouds (there's a diff), many as the night drew in...
palm trees reaching tall into the nightsky forming shapes and shadows with the orange road lamps alternating between them
Come wind, overwhelm me
how can I forget the tiny orange valley. Orange road lamps with orange lit-up windows in houses, from where I stood, it was the most satisfying walk of my life.
little roads winding through the estate...
this deep tiny orange valley. this deep tiny orange valley I call home.

2009-01-20T09:23:00.002+08:00

Hot n Cold - Katy Perry
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know

And you over think
Always speak
Cryptically

I should know
That you're no good for me

{CHORUS}
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down

We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh 'bout nothing
Now your plain boring

I should know that
you're not gonna change

{CHORUS}
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

{CHORUS}
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down

2009-01-19T02:22:00.002+08:00

Hello Humans.

I am here :)

hahas. Yes, just spent the afternoon baking cookies.

choc chips + almonds + m&ms, who wants some? =)

Actually maybe selling them or bringing samples to test response. After all, my mom, brother and I put in lots of effort to bake them (and lots of electricity too!)

So yeah, well, will try to take a pic. They look good and they taste good too! You'd think the taste of so much chocolate'd overpower your taste buds, but they are surprisingly addictive. I cross my heart and swear, these are the best choc chip cookies ever. =)

Alrd have many fans, hahas, ask me for some. =)

2009-01-18T00:08:00.002+08:00

This is actually quite amusing. Something I found:

50 Universal Truths about Men

4. I love long hair. Sorry, but I do.

7. Please don’t ask me how you look unless you’re willing to trust my answer.

14. If you can’t stand up to me when I’m a brat, you’re too weak for me to open up to when I’m upset.

19. If I’m losing my hair, it’s not funny. Would you like me to joke about your weight?

20. When I talk to you about golf and you act bored, it would be nice for you to remember all the times I listened to you talk about what is important to you.

30. I want every guy to envy me when we arrive as a couple. Please don’t let yourself go. [WHAT THE HELL]

31. When I’m upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important that what you say..

32. I hate it when you minimize/ignore my compliments. It makes me want to stop giving them.

34. I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.

40. I don’t like to argue and I don’t like to guess what’s wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it.

41. I love it when you put your hair in a pony tail. Yes, it’s a Freudian thing.

44. If you don’t believe you’re pretty, you won’t believe me when I tell you, no matter how many times I say it.

45. It isn’t how much you weigh; it’s that your body is proportionate which is so attractive.

50. I need some time to myself to calm down when I’m upset so that I don’t say something I will regret.

2009-01-16T23:27:00.003+08:00

Today I mourn the death of my faux two-piece blue top.

Yes, I am upset. My maid added clorex to my blue blue blue top. YES, the one I LOVE SO MUCH! OMG, now it's PINK PINK PINK. Patches of pink actually at the pits! I AM JUST SO DEPRESSED; I even hugged the top and mourned it. I'm being overdramatic, but who cares. Next time you see it, don't ask me what happened. I don't want to talk about it.

And voila, it's turning pink.

2009-01-13T09:34:00.002+08:00

microexpressions

The smiling salesman may flash a millisecond-long sneer of contempt, or the fierce-looking man approaching you in the parking lot may have a sudden look of fear wash across his face.

lying
Lying isn't a sign of moral depravity (except when it is). Lying is a sign of cognitive advancement. It requires a fertile and high-functioning brain to take something as simple as the truth and twist it, palming off the deception on someone else with the earnestness of a choirboy.

2009-01-09T00:41:00.005+08:00

Thought about this. Thought this through. Wish I could stop these thoughts in my head, but since I cannot, I need to write it through. I just wish it would stop bugging me already!

It was just the hormones. Yes, what else can be troubling our dear Jasmine other than stuffs going on with the opposite gender. Ahuh. It was JUST THE HORMONES ACTING UP.

I know dear hua told me to stop being delusional and stop my illusions. My brain is TELLING me that too. But somewhat my endocrine is not very obedient. Sighs. So with hope to tame it and to rationalise everything, I pen this down.

Yes, you appeared. Three times. It was as if you were hovering over me or something... I understand I tend to exaggerate certain things sometimes or am over-sensitive to certain people or things I take particular notice of, but, it really really felt this way and I have learnt to (or am learning to anyway to) curb this over-reactivity okay? So, let me believe I have matured for once or even for a bit. Okay, first time, came out to watch performance, and then I was standing there and somewhat you kept walking over...Like some pacing to and fro towards me? Okay, rationalisation: you were nervous, gna _____ later and does pacing like hua to calm self down, and you happened to choose this path to walk since your whole clique of guys were there too. :)

Oh and can I mention how you just sat in my direct path of vision? And we were facing each other? Albeit distanced by a whole "square fountain area".

Second time, post performance, was doing my duty playing a stranger on our TRM gameshow: Identity. You entered, then like normally took a glance to soak in the sights of the entire room. Then you stayed at the other side of the room with half the partition there, watching the video I think. Then you soon left, if I did not remember the sequence wrongly, being pulled out by your friend, pulled out past where I was. Okay, so I thought end of you man, whew. I continued playing my part as the stranger and was guessed. yay. =) I could leave the stage and went to stand beside our board-holder. That was by the half partition of the room. Was watching the show being continued, when suddenly why feel like got someone beside/behind me by the partition, to my horrors it was you. No, you weren't looking at me, just so happened to be standing there right, I know. Rationalisation: you were watching the video! Clearly! And with your whole group of friends. It just very very so happened you were standing at that exact location. And so happened my identity was guessed. =) So that is what happened. =) Probably not your idea to stand near me either. =))) Oh, may I mention when you looked over to the game show (which is to my side), though we supposedly know each other, we failed to communicate? I mean it's fine, I was the one not waving at you or acknowledging I know you since that time. But there's this discomfort I get. I get so uncomfortable just standing near you. Shivers*

oh and at first I was thinking if I should mention this to hua at all. Because after all, normally I refuse to mention these stuffs for fear of jinxing what could have been good. But because I REALLY REALLY wanted to jinx it, I decided to tell hua. But she thought I was fantasizing something between us. No, there is no "US". I'm sorry, "we" just won't work, I just know it in my BONES.

Third time's the charm. I was just irked by the first two times and feeling annoyed that the first two times even happened. Okay, so I had just finished explaining our course and answering queries from guests. Needed a break and the toilet and so ran in alone since I couldn't find anyone else to go with me. Then when I came out, I saw the action; the inline skate club was gna do stunt...Saw ______ and ________ and went over to disturb for a while. =) hahas, stood beside them and watched the show...The stunt failed however the first time and did not go so well even with other skaters...guess they just aren't too good with this huh? Anyways, yeah, then I was just observing as I always am with the crowd, and guess what, no surprise you were there again. Nothing but air between us, you just slightly behind beside me, watching the show. DAMN IT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Disgusted, I decided to leave and re-enter room. OMG, totally cannot believe what is wrong with this twisted twisted kind of fate???! Rationalisation: very very normal for such things to happen right? I mean after all, this is Open House, we can be near a lot of people. Since we are all working on this together, it is just NORMAL! =D Absolutely, I was just thinking too much...I mean clearly right? Or maybe it's my subconscious; it naturally just steers me towards you! AHAHA! Without me even noticing it! So when I find out, I don't even know what happened! THAT must be it. It must be right.

RIGHT NOW, I am so tortured by this shit. Thanks to the fact that I decided to let myself get bogged down by this. But hey I have rationalised everything right? I mean, it's just normal for all these to happen! It's OPEN HOUSE after all. =D There weren't that many people around me constantly except those who worked with me...Okay, never mind! It was like for about 6-8 hours?? That was very normal to meet the same person thrice in a day. Yes, yes, so near somemore, no where else to go what, of course can see larh. Even though it wasn't so simple as seeing..WHICH I WISHED IT WAS! WHY COULDN'T IT JUST BE SEEING??! Thing is, you probably saw me too.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I just want to die. Because you are not correct for me. I can just feel my heart fighting within and struggling to let the ~~emotions~~ hormones flow. It's like it's like one part wants to just go ga-ga. The other is more rational and less impulsive :) helping me to stop. :)

Reasons for your incorrectness:
1. I srsly hate that ______...
2. I srsly cannot stand you overall. Your character is just not what I'd want in a boyfriend. Yeaps.
3. Okay fine I don't know you pretty much: OOH! I realised this is just all physical attraction! YA? YA? YA?

Okay, feeling a bit more at ease. Physical attraction is so much easier to overcome. =D WOOSH! YAY.

So why does a part of me feel crestfallen? (or maybe I am making up this emotion? Or maybe I'm just committing a writer's hazard, trying to paint too good a picture of an essay because of the drama involved? Or maybe this is what emotion I SHOULD BE feeling coz that's how the movies always make it right? hahas.)

Because I am trying to avoid this thing from happening, because you are like the plague, you spell only disaster come my way. GG quote: this is self-preservation. I'm sorry Chuck.

s l e p t i t o f f =DD
n i g h t s

2009-01-08T22:29:00.001+08:00

STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

Jasmine Tan; you know you so know that everything does not mean a thing.

STOP DELUDING YOURSELF!! STOP STOP STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

That's abt all I can say for now. I just need a place to stop myself.

2009-01-06T00:45:00.002+08:00

torn again.

just realised that i want to pay a lower price, not get more freebies. This is because a) I don't have a lot of money to begin with, b) i only require some of the freebies - for example I don't NEED per say a 8GB memory card, 4GB is good enough for me. And I only need a table tripod. So what if IT fair will throw in lots of freebies? The price would STILL BE $349, because Canon is unlikely to change its prices... However, now someone is offering me $320 for a 4GB SD card, a table tripod and a case. All that I need. At a lower price. I don't even want the extra freebies I can get at IT fair, coz I don't exactly need them now do I? And I'd be too lazy to sell them plus, they aren't worth that much either... So, $320 really is a pretty decent deal is it not? Oh, oh, oh, someone advice me please.

2009-01-05T22:21:00.001+08:00

okay, ~~torn:~~

not anymore.

2009-01-03T00:26:00.002+08:00

Playing For Keeps

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. exempted
5. exempted
6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Push - matchbox 20

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
zhen ai di tu - F.I.R. (about finding love??)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
save room - john legend (urms, okay this song is ~~just...suggestive...~~ SUPER SUGGESTIVE! :P)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
fabulous - jahiem (yes I do feel fabulous! :D)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
midnight bottle - Taylor Swift (??)

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
teenage love affair - Alicia Keys (:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
disturbia - rihanna (urms, I like the song A LOT, but I don't think I'm disturbing right?? O.O)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
咕嘰估嘰 - stefanie sun (this is just...urhs... i'm gu chi gu chi?? I'm not baby lor, I don't like gu-chi gu-chi gu-chi!!!~~~ not ticklish only :P)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
who knew - pink (this is like a song about uncertainty & counting your blessings while you have it and regretting for taking things for granted~~ =| that sounds so sad...)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
piao zhe - stefanie sun

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
lucky - jason mraz ft colbie calliat (i like this one but i rmb her asking me why they think they're lucky to fall for each other...urms...)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
violet hill - coldplay (was a long and dark december~~ sounds like a damn sad life story!! okay larh, the lyrics are damn romantic - if you love me, why'd you let me go?)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
First time - lifehouse (I want many first times! :D)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
somewhere out there - our lady peace

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
thanks for the memories - fall out boys (WALAO, so damn rock shit, no way for my weddingg! even if it is a really niceeee songgg. :PPPPP)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
So What??! - Pink ( YEAH MAN! Rock ON!! )

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
yue ya wan - F.I.R. (okay not as twisted as tinghui! HAHA! it's like chasing after your loved ones...urms..okay, chasing doesn't sound correct :P)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
gai bian zhi zi - wang leehom

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
ordinary people - john legend

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
scars - corrinne may (twisted!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
ai guo - F.I.R. (correction fluid: should be still loving them :)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
playing for keeps - Switchfoot

2009-01-02T07:51:00.002+08:00

on new year resolutions and stuffs;

i read joan's blog and her resolutions yesterday and found some of them so darn cute. hahas, but I don't have a new year resolution. Or at least, I don't wish to have one. New Year Resolutions are all about changing yourself for the better and I don't want to change myself. Perhaps I cannot see where I am flawed; perhaps I want to keep my faults; regardless, of course I know I have bad traits but then who doesn't? If anything, everyone hopes to be a better person. I hope to be a better person because I believe in being better, but that doesn't require me to wait till the New Year during such special occassions to do them, after all, such "self-improvement" should be done everyday otherwise doesn't it lose its meaning and significance very quickly if you only commit to them during New Year at the spur of the moment?

So, new year resolution I have none. In fact never of my 18 years. I do have a New Year wish though. I was asking if that worked on New Year. I made a wish upon a firework, and I think things don't come true by miracle or fate, but overall, I hope 2009 I will ... shhh... I can't say it, or else I think my wish won't come true... I believe in that. Yeaps, so this post will be posted as at wow 7.51 am. Hey! And it's now 12.34pm. Nope, I finally not slept for one night. Boy is it tiring, but I made awesome stuff. So damn proud of myself. If still awake will show for later in pictures. =)))))

yeaps, so, anyways, this concludes my post I guess. Seeing as how I am still so damn conscious and alert of whatever I'm typing even finding all the right vocabulary and everything, I'm assuming my brain will be fried tonight. So yeaps, I'll see you guys later if I have anything else to add. Hahas. Well, waiting for my allowance. & boy the sky is overcast today. It started off a very gloomy morning.. sighs~~

2008-12-31T01:08:00.001+08:00

you just had to screw with me didn't you.

you just couldn't resist it.

or maybe i'm just making this all up.

hahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahaha

whatever. it doesn't even matter.

lalalallaalalalallala

2008-12-30T22:23:00.002+08:00

I generally start off this blog post unhappy. Although I will have things to be happy for later on. It's just, I can't help being pissed. Well, first the disappointment of not going to msia for my giant shopping trip. Why bring my hopes up only to crush it later? And you guys + mom don't seem to know why I'm sulking? Of course, you guys still get to play your golf game. Well, GO AHEAD. RARR. I'm so upset. True I have enough clothes, but I just am so down from no more "excursion". It's like denying a child of the much-awaited school excursion trip. It's not even about the trip anymore, it's just the real great let-down.

Okay anyways, mandy got me a new schedule book from Artbox!!!!! OMG!!!!! That is something I have been meaning to go get for like a while now!!!!!! SO SO SO grateful for it. And I RLY RLY LOVE IT. Yes yes, so anyways, thank you mandy! muacks love ya!

Just great you know? Something has been lying in my room for so long.
RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

put up my bamboo chimes today. Yes!! I got them in Msia!! Quite happy about it, except the sound isn't quite as I like it to be. Oh well. Oh and I packed my room too. Just left my beauty section to pack. Which I so don't have the mood for right now. RARR. do start counting the rarr's in my post.

oh wells, updated my adorable wishlist on left. =) And I realised this morning that my laptop switch was turned off! I was like WTF? What happened??! Rarrrrrrrrrrrr.

He who shall not be named has added me on msn. Rarr. It should be no big deal. And it CANNOT be a big deal. And for as long as it is, if he doesn't talk to me, it shall be fine. =)

rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

to-do sucks:
- make trip to local spa for spa reflection journal
- hbm indiv assignment
- tlaw proj
- open house mobiles (talk about mobiles)
- pack beauty products section of room
- cut hair
- manage money. RARRRRRR.

sorry right now i just feel like digging my claws into someone's flesh. rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. watch out for my wrath. rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2008-12-25T04:42:00.003+08:00

it's 4.41am and yes, I can't sleep yet. I have no idea why, but, yeah, I just feel pretty awake. hmm, must be too much sleep yesterday? What a vicious cycle. Sorry, suddenly couldn't spell vicious and was stuck for a while. Anyway, that's not the important point. :) Well, it's xmas now, so HAPPY XMAS everyone! And since happy never sufficed the xmas spirit quite enough, I want to wish everyone a warm, joyous, heartwarming xmas spent with dear ones. Remember to make a wish everyone, and may it be fulfilled with all my blessings.

Okay, so I've just returned from hana yori dango final jmovie, 100 days with mr arrogant kmovie, the perfect couple kmovie and intending to catch fated to love you tdrama and absolute boyfriend jdrama. =) =) =) =) =) =) =)

Well, some queer observations: it's been raining a lot recently and it's really really nice if we can cuddle up inside with a book and stay warm and dry. But if for some reason or another, like most of us do, you have to get outside into the wet weather, don't fret. Because it is nice too. I went out today with only an umbrella for protection, but it felt like there was no need for it, for the rain was good and the wind was cool, I felt like I could just walk and stay there forever... oh god, the way the wind enveloped you in cool air, it was like air-conditioning set at the right temperature at the right humidity. Absolutely the best conditions to fall asleep in. If the floor weren't so dirty or if I weren't on my way out, I would totally have fallen asleep there. Then I got out on the main road, it was evening so the vehicles all mostly had their headlamps on, with the rain pattering on them, as I watch vehicle after vehicle headlamps go past, the droplets of rain which fell in front of them reflected the light and they suddenly just glowed; like superstar rain. That was their one minute of fame...and they looked so good, yet so fleeting. I wanted to watch them forever. A show which never ends...

well, okay, done with queer observing...

2008-12-19T12:09:00.002+08:00

The two pairs of shoes on the boxes are CR, while the green one I got for only RM19 = less than SGD10 ?
damn Damn DAMN nice!! :D
You can't even begin to imagine how they look on my feet. OH SO PRETTY! Okay, I emphasized that already didn't I?
Anyhows, the pictures don't do them justice as usual, my camera sucks. SO ANYWAYS!

Ughs, I cannot decide. There is this flea market this Sunday at Tampines West CC. The rental for a booth is $10. That is dirt cheap already compared to others like Clarke Quay and SAM. UGHS! I absolutely cannot decide if I want to just carry all my clothes and sell them there. ONCE AND FOR ALL. and like clear my room! :DDDDDDD Thing is, I have no idea where is Tampines West CC. But that can be easily overcomed! Still, I dno who I should ask to help me. Like hua cannot make it, then it comes down to xing? Or mom?
Like should I ask family or friend? That is like such a struggle. rarrrrrrrrrr.

whatevs larh.

We'll see how again tonight. Loves people. x)

Oh damn to xmas presents. I haven't thought of any for everyone. x(

2008-12-18T22:44:00.004+08:00

OHMY; I am so back from my trip to melaka.

Yes, I thought it'd be boring. Yes, it was boring!

BUT.

In a very good way. Like that sort of relaxing and don't think about a freaking thing and just let your brain turn to mush sorta way. Seriously! I didn't bother to think much about anything. Just shopped, swim, eat, sleep, watch nickelodeon, etc. OH and guess what, we stayed in Holiday Inn, in which they gave us a free upgrade to the suite because because their pullaway beds were all broken and the three of us siblings were supposed to sleep together! OMG! Pictures of suite later. WE WERE LIKE; WTH! All about to am-chio but then staff in room, couldn't act all happy right?? O.o

ANYWAYS! OMG, I did so much shopping and had great steals I guess. ESPECIALLY the shoes the shoes the shoes! I cannot go on enough about the shoes. I got two pairs of Carlo Rinos! OMG! They are damn f-ing good! AND, they only costs me about $40+ converted back to SGD, FOR BOTH. That is the keyword. ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Okay I will give pictures later when I have time to take them and upload them! OMG! I love them! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

May I add they are oh-so-comfy?

May I add they are oh-so-pretty?

OH OH OH and and and they come in these prettyy pink boxes with these strings around the sides....

okay, enough about the shoes. The clothes were good too. :P

Well, my eyes are getting so dry from the contacts. Going to remove them soon. :P Then go sleep. Wonder if xing is still meeting me for lunch tmr, for she hasn't replied my sms! :(

2008-12-12T01:42:00.002+08:00

clubbing :O

omg. Yeah, I went for my first clubbing session yesterday. Or should I say Wednesday night instead? Quite exciting I must say. Was scared at first being scared and all by hua and other people who have been there...But it turned out alright in the end. :) Hahas, drank two drinks, zouk is lousy, no free drinks for ladies' night. zzzzzzzzzzz

Anyhows, shots. Strong but I wasn't drunk! I can hold my liquor after all. :) I get good blood circulation but I am not drunk. :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Anyways, okay, experience for those who want to know about the mambo experience at zouk on Ladies' Night: first, get there earlyyy! Try to get into Phuture instead because that is where all the pop songs are and r&b are... Otherwise I guess you are stuck with the damn gays at mambo who keep dancing all the songs away. Well, that is just how mambo jambo is actually, every word has an action and the one that stuck the most with everyone is "I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, I should be so lucky in love..." Everyone remembers the act cute gay. Or should I say gays instead. Oh and, it is VERY VERY SQUEEZY. It is not at all exaggerated when they say there are flashing lights and you are packed like sardines. Seriously. No joking when you are. Well, now to dangers, no didn't meet any grinders. WELL, not ME anyways, it was sophia who kena. I was like OMG, there is this ugly guys standing behind sophia, seemingly not belonging to any "dancing group" nearby, so I knew there was something fishy about him. I was trying to tell Sophia, but I think she has more experience than me, and I shouldn't need to worry about her. :) As long as you go as a group, you should be fine. :) So, no worries people! :) You can even wear white and t-shirts, because UV light radiates the dancefloor and t-shirts are safe. :) HAHAs. AND AND most advisable are flats or change into slippers inside, COZ high heels would kill you yah? HAHAs, okay, urms, I can't think of anymore, except our dance moves suck? I guess practice will do the trick of like the pros. HAHAS. Anyway, it's not as messy as I expected, except of course, be careful no matter what you do. SO, take caution and well, just try to move as a group. And let there be guys. :)

If you want more, come find me on msn bas. HAHS. I may update depending on what I can remember, but so far this is it. Loves peace out. :)

2008-12-09T08:30:00.002+08:00

It's before TDM paper, here I am sitting on this rickety old bench that creaks under my every shift in weight. I guess I am getting plump. =( And here I was thinking I should have loss some weight, what with the exam stress and all. SIGHS. To make things worse, my bag strap gave way when I reached school. Just great, as much as I can handle, no pun intended. Anyhows, I'm still in a pretty good mood. Maybe it's coz I had enough sleep? Right, 5 hours count as enough sleep? Definitely more than previous days of three hours' sleep.

Well, I'm just bored, thus the blogging. Like seriously. I'm sleepy, but yet not sleepy enough to sleep. Then it is also too early to be revising, the paper's at 11am for goodness sake? ughs. This is all just so wearingg on me. && my friends are only coming at 9 or so. DAMN, why did I come out so early? It doesn't even equate if you work out the math! It's illogical!

I'm just tired. Never mind, I shall go sleep soon or something. For like my benefit. =) Bored Bored Bored Bored Bored

2008-12-06T11:56:00.002+08:00

１。题目：一边……一边……
小朋友写：他一边脱衣服，一边穿裤子。
老师批语：他到底是要脱还是要穿啊？

２。题目：其中
小朋友写：我的其中一只左脚受伤了。
老师批语：你是蜈蚣吗？

３。题目：陆陆续续
小朋友写：下班了，爸爸陆陆续续的回家了。
老师批语：你到底有几个爸爸呀？

４。题目：难过
小朋友写：我家门前有条水沟很难过。
老师批语：老师更难过。

５。题目：又又
小朋友写：我的妈妈又矮又高又胖又瘦。
老师批语；你的妈妈是变形金钢吗？

６。题目：你看
小朋友写：你看什么看！没看过啊
老师批语：没看过

７。题目：欣欣向荣
小朋友写：欣欣向荣荣告白。
老师批语：连续剧不要看太多了！

８。题目：好吃
小朋友写：好吃个屁。
老师批语：有些东西是不能吃的。

９。题目：天真
小朋友写：今天真热。
老师批语：你真天真。

１０。题目：果然
小朋友写：昨天我吃水果，然后喝凉水。
老师批语：是词组，不能分开的。

１１。题目：先……再……，例题：先吃饭，再冼澡。
小朋友写：先生，再见！
老师批语：想像力超过了地球人的智慧。

１２。题目：况且
小朋友写：一列火车经过，况且况且况且况且况且况
老师批语：我死了算了

I almost died and went to laughing heaven.

2008-12-01T22:58:00.003+08:00

new item new item!

which is prettier?

I can't decide again. =)

I think both are great. Except I don't really feel like getting both at all. hmm.

chalet pics later! :D

2008-11-28T02:14:00.002+08:00

new item alert.

rose belt! cheaper too!

SGD 11

doesn't it look just so classic?

2008-11-27T13:33:00.004+08:00

My lovely christmas shopping
(okay, I'M AN ONLINE SHOPPING ADDICT)
& proud of it.

adorable studs!!!!! :DD
SGD 4 each. bought*

Not buying ohvola anymore. Too common. arhs, wells.
ponders: which colour suits me better?
SGD 25

Hate seller. HATE HATE HATE. STUPID woman sold my dress while I was away without internet connection when I like RESERVED the dress alrd! And wanted to buy the bag from her too! GRR. :

~~Classic with rose belt. I <3>~~

of all times, my bag is falling apart. & no, I am not buying EVERYTHING! Just some finds I have found thus far which like interests me. of course I am NOT going to buy everything. you should know I "DON'T" *crosses fingers* go on crazy shopping sprees. geez! *rolls eyes*

fits A4! Perfect substitute! except for price. >.>
SGD 37 (though alrd discounted)

This is nice no?
SGD 24
mom thinks it's just
some transparent material
that is like super cheap
and low quality.
Website Said chiffon.
Not sure to believe.

2008-11-24T12:19:00.004+08:00

Picture word of the day: Vintage

bit morbid I say.

barber pole

yummy christmas tree with fairy lights

*please do not copy these pictures. I went to lengths to find them. thank you.

OH, I love our outing yesterday. HUA hurry upload the pictures OKAY?! I WANT THEM! HAHAS! =)

Anyways, oh god, we will NEVER EVER go to De Coder's Cafe again. Okay, not to get the wrong idea that they suck or some poor service thingy, it's just that because of such a cafe, we just spent the entire afternoon lazing there, munching and drinking so much soft drinks and everything! TOTALLY WEIGHT-GAINING ACTIVITY! Plus, the sofas kept hurting me because they had weird bums and wooden frames jutting out at all the wrong places, causing much HURT. =(

Well, anyways, awws to my BFFs, they are like the sweetest people. Muacks* kisses to you girls.

2008-11-23T00:51:00.002+08:00

I can't decide, pink or silver?

2008-11-14T08:46:00.000+08:00

This is going on my Christmas Wish List:

1. Anna Sui - Super Mascara DX Waterproof
$32 at DFS
Rave here

2. FreshKon® - Alluring Eyes (winsome brown; black just looks scaryy :x)
$28-38 (x 2) at optical shops
Rave here || Product info here || CHEAP ONLINE SHOP HERE
This has the closest measurements to my current contacts. =) Bet it'd be comfy.

OR

Maxi Eyes Colour Contacts - Brown/Grey
$28 - $56 at optical shops
Not that close in measurements.

[Sucks - I normally have to get TWO pairs coz I have two different degrees. =( if you would just get me one pair, I'd be very happy alrd though! :D ]

3. GOOD Lip balm - Have no idea from where, but I want one which is easy to apply (direct application, like tube of lipstick) and mositurising for my lips. NO PETROLEUM in it please! >.<

4. Fabrics! I want to make my laptop sleeve! x)

5. My new CANON IXUS 80is! It's only going for $300+ now. Gna save up for that. Nov IT show coming!

6. 9-in-1 curling iron/straightener set VS from Watson's S$49.90 (okay, actually I don't really want to damage my hair, just want to try it out ya know? :P)

7. Intrinsic values - designing my blogskin for my blogshop here & here

2008-11-13T22:43:00.001+08:00

officially screw all that I wrote below.

I mean it's partly true, but all is forgiven I guess? Wow, never underestimate the power of one.

:)

2008-11-11T17:26:00.002+08:00

For failing to consider your feelings, that I apologise, but have you considered mine? No? How would you feel when people talk about your best friend in that manner like she is worth nothing more than crap and maybe the other girl too, whom maybe I am NOT so concerned about BUT STILL. Is it fair that you guys feel that I am selfish and insensitive? I would admit that I was running high on endorphins that day, completely speaking out of my emotions, but you guys should have understood that I was upset. This is my best friend you are talking about. No, apparently, at the end of the day, you're all you care about. You just don't want to take her and the other girl in because you assumed being associated with the other girl, she is as "bad", so to speak. I would not say I was not in the wrong too, because I implied I did not want to take them in either. Best friends does not mean best working partners, and to be honest, that is very true, when it comes down to the crunch, working with your best friend can really take a toll on the friendship and I REALLY do not want to risk that. If you want to ask if my friendship is really that weak, yes it is. To work with people who will take things less personal, more professional/business-like, that would be so much easier to work with as well. In addition, she never listens to what I tell her to do, a stubborn mule like her, I have seen her work, of course I know what I am talking about when I say best friends does not mean best working partners. Why can't you guys just understand that point?

You ask, why cannot just try? Of course my friendship with her so long, don't you think I know how she is like? GOD, you guys just don't get it don't you? Go ahead, be your collective group, go ahead, hate me, go ahead, sometimes I just cannot be bothered to explain to you guys why I act the way I act. If you cannot understand it, then maybe, just maybe, being nice to you guys since a very long time ago was such a big mistake.

People always see your ugly side, remembers it and thinks it is your true self. I don't think it was an ugly side, perhaps I was a little too emotional, but everyone gets that. If you guys don't understand, then I'm so sorry for your loss. It's always so one-sided, these fights. Doesn't it take TWO HANDS to clap? I cannot have an argument if I weren't provoked and if you guys did not start it.

I am just so saddened. Was talking to shu zhen, and she felt the same way too, she felt I did not think things through properly before I spoke, and maybe I didn't and I should think things through my head first before speaking in future, but it's just so lob-sided, so oblong, so wrong. If you guys cannot see that this was a brawl that both sides must be blamed, then I was wrong, so so wrong for making friends with you guys in the first place. I care is why I am saddened. I thought we were friends, still remember all those times we spent together doing projects, and how I helped you and everything, how can one bad thing change all of that? Well, thanks, thanks a lot for your "sympathy" & "friendship", I really do not need it.

" But you put on quite a show, really had me going
Now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show, very entertaining
But it's over now
(But it's over now)
Go on and take a bow "

2008-11-10T23:07:00.002+08:00

O-M-G. Found this pair of booties! O-M-G. Costs around $48++? UGHS. HoW? This is nice right?? :x

Anyhows, today my booties feel much more comfy. Maybe needs second trying and needs breaking in. I shall wear them every night till they feel absolutely comfy before wearing them out. This should assure like comfort? HAHAS. -.-

Okay, today I think left calf/ankle swollen from BED BUG bites. Mom says it's bed bugs bites I have on my legs. UGHS! I have bed bugs! OMG! =( Hence causing shoes to be tight and uncomfy. arhs, wells. I think no more shoes for me. Doubt anyone will buy this for me, so yeah. HAHA, continue day-dreaming bas. =)

gosh, am so tired today. totally shagged out. Did not sleep much last night... sighs...

2008-11-10T01:11:00.002+08:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Yay, I love my new shoes! Okay, I tried on the bootie a second time and it's a lil tight. :/
Oh & mom says first pair looks like ah mah shoes. :(
Oh wells, it doesn't matter! I love them anyways!

Hahas!

2008-11-09T00:54:00.002+08:00

thou shalt not tease

thou shalt be true to self

thou shalt believe

thou shalt not give up

Fear cripples everyone.

More later~

2008-11-03T08:41:00.002+08:00

It's true. Apparently. & I need to change into this freak who has no mind of her own before people can trust her. And I thought I could become chums with them. What makes it worse is that they all pretend like nthg happened and allowed me to hang out with them nonetheless. Now how do you expect me to suddenly face everyone when you tell me this? How do expect me to act natural? You tell me. HOW?! It's not possible. I'm tryingg, but don't blame me for becoming quiet and acting very weird. No, I do not act weird for no reason of course, you think I'm weird? I'm insensitive huh, I'm bossy huh. I won't deny these traits. I know I have to do something to them, because I made someone else real angry with these two traits too. So, that is something I WILL work towards. It's just, I can't believe you would use such strong words to scold me. & I can't believe the common anger everyone has against me. I guess it will never be the same again. I'm sorry, I don't know how to make this right again, because I have a feeling, it will never be again, unless I suddenly have time-reversing abilities. Which to me, is impossible. Like if missing my stop today was any indication, I guess the only thing I CAN do is to run to the opposite stop and take the bus back to where I was supposed to go to.

2008-11-02T18:58:00.002+08:00

ohmygod.

I dno if I am being too sensitive or what. But, I have a bad feeling. Like I don't know who else they can be talking about at all. Like who else can it be but me? After all I was the only one who outburst. & they cannot be talking about another. Plus did I say anything about not wanting them? I think so. Oh WTF. I totally screwed things up. OH WTF. Are they even talking about me? OH WTF. OH WTF. OH WTF.

oh god, please tell me that it isn't true. Or even if it is, that I can do something to change it.

2008-11-02T00:38:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I wonder. Like, is it my self-satisfaction that has caused me to become so, I don't know, passive? No no, passive is not the word I am looking for. I mean, dormant, like I don't have any requests, wishes, hopes, dreams, goals, ambitions. Okay, now I am starting to sound like the Citibank Advert. Regardless, I just feel so, incorrect? Like what is a girl of 18 feeling like she doesn't have dreams and aspirations? It is as if they have fallen asleep inside her and suddenly she has no idea what to do with her life. And, it has been there for a while now, it's just that it suddenly dawned upon me that that happened.

I just could not formulate anything to ask for. I couldn't formulate any hopes I wished for. I couldn't formulate. My mind just went blank when I thought about what I wanted to do in future. I used to be so sure, so sure I wanted to pursue a career in tourism, then I started to falter and now I don't know anything anymore. Even in my own life, I mean, besides my future career, I don't even know what the hell I want to do with it. It's as if all my plans have left me (wait, I'm not even sure I had any in the first place). Okay, so maybe I'm more a free spirit who plans as she goes along. I don't exactly do long term. YET, my life is beckoning for order and some ability to foresee the future.

I feel lost. I have no hopes. I have no aspirations. I have no future. Because all these asks for humans to be greedy and want what they don't need. Have I become so greed-less and contented that I no longer want anything? This is depressing.

I want something. I know. But, thus far, I only see those small material things which are so insignificant. What happened to immaterial things? Bigger and more important and crucial things? I just cannot see them. I am running out of time.

Rewind. Look at this from another perspective.

It was the worst of times. It was the best of times.

Oh god, this is still depressing. I need a motive to continue living my powerful existence. It's no wonder I'm losing my confidence.

2008-11-01T19:00:00.003+08:00

You'll Be My Love
by Helmut Lotti

My love,till you are near
I long for your touch
you are the only one, with you
I know I'll find love that I need
Love for a life time
So please please believe it's true
Our love, will see us through
For one heart shared by two
We'll always stand, now and forever
Through the sun, or all through the rain
And for all time
You'll always be my love

So please believe it's true
Our love will see us through
For one heart shared by two
We'll always stand, now and forever
Through the sun, and all through the rain
And for all time
You'll always be my love

Through the sun, and all through the rain
You'll always be my love,
or all through the rain
And for all time
You'll always be to be my love

Okay, sounds like a CHESSY song. But it's nice beyond the sax. =)

2008-10-23T19:36:00.002+08:00

M Y F E E T H U R T S

What does it hurt from? Yes, my new shoes. Hahas, was still cam-whoring them only a while back and here I am whining about the pain of wearing them. Looks like they are not for school. Only when I am being chauffeured maybe. HAHA. Oh wells, anyway, at most I will just clean them up and sell them off. HAHA. Benefit of ebay. :)

Okay, well just wanted to whine about my poor feet. toodle-do~

2008-10-18T01:11:00.002+08:00

woosh. FINALLY sold the green hoodie. Indeed a change in name makes all the difference in the world? Hahas. Happy. :)

Short post. Arh, sitting beside hot guy today. Oh wells, but anyway was so damn tired, fell asleep the entire way. Found sleeping with chin tucked in and occasionally lifting head to check area bus is in. It took me f-ing 30mins to get to Queensway Shopping Centre, afterwhich finding out that I went there to waste my time, because a plaque cost close to $20 for those REALLY small acrylic ones? Ughs, no budget for that. Hence, totally wasted my time. Could have spent at home and doing more productive stuffs. Oh wells.

ARHHHHHHHS. Battery hit critical level!!!

Okay, byes~~

2008-10-12T00:31:00.006+08:00

I need to pack my room! At least there is one thing off my list. SHOPPING! :D Went shopping today. YAY. Bought TWO pairs of shoes. && they are BOTH white. WOOSH. HAHA. ><

Then bought jeans, which I seriously think, not all that good looking? Maybe. We'll see how again when we wash and wear. Not nice then sell lors. HAHA. Can't believe someone actually wants the tweety shirt. Strange huh? I mean it's not like it's ugly or like really awful! I only sell stuff I think can be sold okay. I just meant that I have been trying to tui xiao it for the longest time so yeah. Received an email today about the shirt and could not believe it! WELL, happy happy. :DD Been trying to sell THAT shirt for the LONGESTTTTTT time. Also, got paid for limited edition apple tee today. yums. :) But that guy who bought it keeps thinking I'm a guy and uses bro. like wth(eck). :S

LAST LAST! Bought an onyx pendant! Been wanting something onyx from bits and pieces for the longestttttttttttttt time too! Since the collection came out and thank god I went there when they were still having their 20% off storewide sale. It ends tomorrow! Well, great steal I think, since it's onyx. So like altogether I spent quite a bit today. Over a hundred dollars? Well, glad I did my overdue shopping. :D

YAYNESS. :D

Pictures! Decided to cam-whore my shoes. The black one I bought the other day with ja. They are awfully comfortable! :D This is using swk's camera. See the difference in quality? Arh, that's the difference between a panasonic lumix 5.0 megapixel and cybershot 8.0 megapixel touchscreen (DSC-T2) somemore. YAY, the sale of t-shirts motivate me once more to sell my wardrobe. :) >< okay, not so extreme. HAHAS. One step at a time. x)

There's my two pair of white shoes. x)

now, to pack room.

2008-10-10T11:53:00.003+08:00

New Blog: S & M

New Blog: Ohliq (not ready yet)

New Website: Etsy (not ready yet)

arhs, geez, shucks. didn't sell anything on ebay the past week. BOO. Oh wells. I'm BACK from camp! & I don't even know where to begin about it. HMM. much to be mused, but all currently back of my brain. avoidance is key. for now, i'm only thinking about making the most of the next two days.

school reopens soon.

things left undone:
- invites for PAL
- plaques for PAL
- joan's present
- shopping
- packing room
- photograph items for sale

geez, this sucks.